Thursday, August 25, 2011

Woman Thinking

Just as soon as I came back...I left again.
For a lot of reasons, I guess...but I don't really want to talk about them.

I don't want to talk about my melancholy because a blogging friend of mine was hit by a car; she's alive but confined to 2 rooms of her home trying to give her broken body time to heal while not losing her mind.

I don't want to talk about my melancholy because another friend of mine is at home with her 4 year old granddaughter, keeping her comfortable through her last days with cancer.  After a year and a half long fight, the doctors told her son and daughter-in-law this past week that there was nothing more that they can do.  The tumors continue to grow and reproduce.

I don't want to talk about my melancholy because my friend whose husband killed himself is going through a really difficult time with her daughters...they wake up every single day missing their daddy.  She goes to bed every single night without her best friend, a cold spot on the other side of the bed.

I don't want to talk about my melancholy because there are children in the world who are abused, others who don't have enough to eat, drug abuse abounds, and wars are raging. 

Like my middle child I tend to carry the burden of others sometimes too the point that I myself shut down just for self-preservation purposes.  I think I'm there right now...possibly curled up in a fetal position under my desk sucking my thumb...eyes shut tight trying to "find a happy place."  

Don't get me wrong; I'm a very happy person...I just want everything and everyone else to be happy too.
I don't want children to be overcome with cancer.
I don't want kittens to get run over and left in the middle of the road.
I want everybody to have enough money to live comfortably.
I want drugs to disappear.

That's not too much, is it??

I've been getting up in the mornings at 5:30, and Layla and I walk from 6-6:45 around our neighborhood.  It is the most peaceful time of my day and the time that I talk to God.  

Word of God speak.
Would you pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty.
To be still and know 
That your in this place.
Please let me stay and rest
In your holiness
Word of God speak.

Sometimes the world feels as if it's been put in a brown paper sack and shaken up...kinda like my grandmother used to do with fried chicken and flour.

I don't know how people who don't believe deal with a fried chicken kind of world.
I can come out from under my desk and try another day only because I know there's someone greater than me in control.

I am blessed.