Sunday, January 6, 2013

Sunday Salon






Today ends the marathon Christmas holiday that didn't really seem like a holiday to me.  I've honestly struggled some over the break...I've actually struggled more than some, to be completely honest. 
 I had already reached that place of thinking Christmas (what it's become) has just gone completely wacko and out of control and was struggling with how to get our family's lives back on track with what believe are the real reasons behind Christmas, when those precious souls were killed in Newtown, CT.  

I feel guilty for telling you about how bad I've felt for the last 3 weeks...who am I to feel bad???  
I wasn't one of those families who buried their babies, their moms, their sisters, their daughters, their wives.  Why did I feel so bad?

I feel bad because I am a mother, a sister, a wife, and a daughter...and I have 3 babies of my own. I want this world to be a better place for all of us; I believe in peace; I believe the best in most people and am willing to also forgive most.  I was shaken to the core by the Newtown tragedy and then even more so reading some of the conversations that occurred afterwards...it forced to really think about who and what I believe. I retreated for a while and even bought myself a new bible to study.  I helped where I could via the most loving Newtown community organizations who have rallied behind the families and are currently locking arms and taking the next steps forward.  I also let myself grieve...not always in the healthiest ways...but I gave myself a break.  I've read books, magazines, taken more than a few naps, watched movies, cooked some, ate out some, worn sweatpants every day and even spent a few days in my p.j.s (ok, ok, so more than a few days).  I haven't left my house much.
But, that's ok.

I realized today after reading the article below from the NY Times earlier this week, that it has actually helped  me to work through my own emotional struggle to keep track of how Newtown is working through its grief.  
As we prepare to jump back on our roller coaster ride of a life tomorrow with the firstborn leaving home again today and the middle child leaving home (for the first time) on Tuesday, I've realized a few things about myself:  

I still believe in my God.  My God is good, and He sent His son Jesus Christ to save us.  That's all He wants. That is His only agenda.  
I still believe in peace.  Everywhere.  All the time.  This isn't a political agenda for me; it's just the way I believe things are supposed to be.  
I still believe there are good people in this world.  I forgot for a few days.  I really did.  
I still believe that the good people pick each other up when the chips are down...and that it's ok to forgive even those we find most difficult to forgive.  
I am not perfect.  Not even close.  
I don't have all the answers (don't tell my husband I said that).  And, nobody else does either.
Some days are about simply putting one foot in front of the other and keep on keeping on.

I'm rallying behind Newtown to turn darkness into light. and will continue following and praying for the entire community's progress.

After spending 3 weeks as a hermit :P I have made some decisions for how I'd like to go forward in 2013...call them resolutions if you will, but I hope they're more than just that.  Once I kinda walk through them this week, I'll be happy to share them hopefully by next Sunday.  

One thing I'm looking forward to is tonight's season 3 showing of Downton Abbey.  I was a latecomer to this series but can't get enough of the Granthams!  I'm a huge fan of Elizabeth McGovern so I'm not so wrapped up in the romance of the show but the history, the lifestyle and the wealthy American heiress who is happily married to an English Lord.  Of course, I'm also highly interested in the way she mothers her 3 daughters :)


Well said, Lady Cora; well said.

14 comments:

  1. That tragedy really affected us as well, especially our son who was a student at Virginia Tech when the shootings occurred there in 2007. He was at work when he heard about Newtown and broke down and sobbed for those people. He said the media frenzy after an event like that really makes things worse.

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    1. I couldn't watch the news reports and commentaries...I selectively chose a few outlets like the NY Times and the Newtown Bee to follow as far as info was concerned. Print is better to me in those kinds of situations bc I don't need any added drama. I can only imagine your son's response...I'm sure he has some aspects of PTSD since he was on campus at Virginia Tech...how in the world did you handle that as a parent, Kathy??

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  2. As a mom and a (former) teacher, I was rocked to the core by the tragedy. I just can't begin to even imagine the suffering of the people involved in this horrific event. It will always be on my mind....I will never forget those precious faces....and the best way to honor them is to move ahead and do what you are doing. Making peace. Loving your family. Believing in good. Keeping your eyes on Him.

    Wishing you all the best in this new year. :)

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    1. I agree, Joanne :) Peace, love and hope to you all year long!

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  3. If there weren't good people we might as well just all crawl into a hole and die 'cause life would be unbearable

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    1. You're right, Patty! I think sometimes I have to remind myself to look for that good...sometimes it's not as obvious as all the bad.

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  4. There is no way to explain or deal with such a horrific tragedy. My heart goes out to all of the families affected.

    Patti, I wish you and your family--and sweet Layla--a healthy and happy new year.

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    1. Thank you, Susan! Peace, love, and happiness are what I'm striving for this year :)

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  5. You have to believe that there is good in the world and that most people are good or you'll never be able to go on. What happened in CT is a tragedy but it isn't the norm. Good for you for dealing with your feelings in a thoughtful and gentle way and turning it into a chance for you to reconnect with God.

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    1. I'm pretty sure I didn't turn it over to God on purpose...just reached a point where that's the only way I could deal with it. Not sure why at 44 years old I still think I need to be in charge...you'd think I'd learn by now that there's a reason we're supposed to give it all to Him every. single. day. not just when something like this happens.

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  6. I think many of us were burrowing down with our loved ones over the holiday, with our hearts grieving for these folks in CT. Even more than normal, I found that I would check myself when I started to complain about something, telling myself that at least I had my babies with me. But I'm with Jenners, you have to believe in the overall good of people. It is the only way to keep ourselves sane.

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    1. I checked myself a lot as well. Even last night after we moved our oldest into her apartment, I kept trying to figure out exactly what I felt. It wasn't saddness...we are supposed to reach this stage...it was just melancholy bc I won't see her as often and she will no longer be on our campus. I'm happy for her, moving on with her life...bc I still have her. She has choices and opportunities as do her sisters and our family. The other families don't. It puts so much into perspective, doesn't it?

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  7. The tragedy affected me as well. Not only me, but my son and husband too. My daughter was not told about the tragedy but now that she has seen some of the recaps on the news, I plan to talk to her about it. How has it affected us? We have always believed in God but we've never gone to church. My mother was Catholic and my father was an atheist. How's that for a conflict? So I was never raised with the church. However, after all of this, my son asked if we could go to church and we did for a Christmas concert and found that we really liked the feel of the one church we tried, so we may be going regularly starting this weekend. I too, opened my bible which I have not opened in years. I think we all seek comfort right now but what you said about peach and how there are still good folks out there to help when the chips are down, I wholeheartedly agree.

    There is good to be had.

    I hope you survive the week. Sounds like you have a lot going on right now but we'll both get through it. I dreaded work but here I am and it's as if I never left!

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    1. Ti, my mother was raised Baptist and my dad was Methodist. I was raised Presbyterian and now attend a Methodist church. I think it's where you feel you belong...then you let God do the rest :) I'm so glad you've found a possible place. I know it really helps me to spend time once or twice a week with a group of people who believe deeply in some of the same things I do. We're certainly not all exactly the same, but I don't abide by a set in stone set of rules...I think that's ridiculous and not at all what God intended once he sent His son to Earth. It gives me great peace to know that something greater than me IS in control and that there are others like me who yearn for peace, love and harmony :)
      Today was ok...stressful...but I expected that.

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