Monday, August 1, 2016

Cha Cha Changes

I've been contemplating some changes.

I've been a little hesitant to post about all of those changes, the details, and the specifics.

The whys, the wheres, and the whereforeartthous.

I'm not sure why.

But, here goes nothing.

On May 19, I knew something had to give.



Something had to change.

Something had to stop.

I was dying inside.

I could feel it everyday when I opened my eyes.

Am I still here?

What will today be like?

Good day, bad day, in-between day?

If it's a good day, how long will the good last?

Depression and anxiety are no joke.

Baptise that with alcohol and you've got a mess.

A serious one.

I knew in college that I could not be a drinker.

I learned that lesson the hard way.

For many many years, I happily abstained.

Until 10 years ago, when I convinced myself, amidst life's pressures, that a drink or two every now and again would be fine.

10 years.

For 10 years, the alcohol numbed the anxiety.

Numb.

That's what I wanted, and that's what I got.

But, alcohol is a depressant.

I essentially just fueled the fire.

Until I couldn't breathe anymore.

At all.

I'm breathing now.

And still contemplating where to go from here.

Contemplation is good :)


"Everyone then who hears these words of mine and acts on them will be like a wise man who built his house on rock.  The rain fell, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on rock."  Matthew 7:24-25



2 comments:

  1. I hear you. I've grown up with alcoholics and been down many a path with all different kinds of drinkers. Change is hard. Admitting that you have a problem is hard, too. Probably the hardest part. I am thinking of you and if you ever just need to vent me, a somewhat stranger, you go ahead because I don't judge. I just listen.

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    1. Thanks, Ti :) Everyday is a choice. Hard days are hard. But so far, I'm making the right choices with God's guiding hand :) Thanks for your kind words. :)

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