Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Toxicity

I know toxic people.

Do you?

I allowed one of these toxic people to affect just about the entire last month.  

I had just returned from a beach trip with my mom where we sat on the deck reading our Bibles and devotional books and enjoying God's creation around us.

My first day back, with a full spirit, I attended a meeting with this person. 

Only to be verbally attacked.  
In front of a group of my peers whose respect I covet.

I had the breath knocked out of me, y'all.



I saw stars, my breathing increased, my heart was racing, and at one point of the "conversation," I pushed my chair back to get up and walk out of the room.

And, then I stopped.  

I put my head down and gave in.  
Whatever.
I'm not going to fight you.
You win.
I lose.
You're right.
I'm wrong.

But, then, something else unexpected happened.
The rest of the group agreed with me.  
They realized the toxicity of this person as well.
And that her points were not intended for the good of our cause.  

I still didn't win.
I still wasn't right. 
because
My brain was scrambled.
For a month.

How ridiculous is that?
Do you think the meeting even crossed her mind again?
Probably not. 

But, I allowed this incident, with this woman, get in the way of my happiness 
For. A. Month.

I'm reading Lysa Terkeurst's book Unglued.



There's so much truth there.

So much truth.

I am the epitome of someone who comes unglued.

The fact that I'm still thinking and writing about this confrontation over a month later is proof positive of my unglued status.

Terkeurst reminds me that God doesn't expect me to be perfect (thank goodness).

He expects me to trust Him and strive each day to be an example of the love, grace, and mercy that he bestows upon me.

That's hard to do sometimes.

Especially for someone like me.

I'm fully able to accept His grace, so I should give that same energy back to others in my life who may or may not deserve it.

I don't deserve it.

But, He gives it freely to me anyway.

Amen.



Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice.  And the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:6-9








2 comments:

  1. I understand completely. I hope things get better soon. Change isn't so bad. Could be even better in the long run - at least that's what people are telling me. :) glad to see you back in the blog world.

    ReplyDelete

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