I've just spent tonight reading Angie Smith's blog Bring the Rain. Once again, I have scared my family members with the amount of tears I've shed over Angie's story about Audrey Caroline. I had read bits and pieces of Angie's blog before but decided for reasons unknown to go for the whole story tonight.
What stayed with me after my tears was the amount of strength it took to get Angie through her pregancy, Audrey's birth, Audrey's funeral and then life after Audrey. Was it always pretty? No, of course not. Should it have been? No, of course not. Were there days when Angie felt like staying in bed? YES!!! Were there days when Angie stayed in bed?? YES!!! She LOST A CHILD!! Will there be days when we want to stay in bed? YES!!! Will there be days when we question God? Yes!!! Will there be times when we wonder, Why us? YES!!!
I think sometimes as Christians we feel as if when we feel pain, when we make mistakes, when we fall short, that somehow we are less than we're supposed to be. We think that if we're living our lives the way we should that everything else will work out. We'll have happy marriages, our children will be healthy and happy, we'll act the way we're supposed to, and nothing will ever test our strength. Since we're such good Christians, there's no need to test our strength; only those who need to be reminded of God's presence are reminded of his presence through trials and tribulations.
I do not believe that God purposely gives us trials and tribulations. I believe that as humans we make choices and that we all (even the innocent) get caught up in other people's choices sometimes.
I do not believe that God purposely gave Angie such pain...I just can't believe it. I do believe that he gave her the strength to endure it. I do believe that he gave and still gives her what she needs each and every day to put one foot in front of the other and to continue on with her life. I also believe that he gave Angie's experience to the rest of us to show us that life isn't all pretty...even for those whose lives seem to be perfect in some ways. We can't EARN God's love; we just have it...no matter what.
In my prayers tonight I'll thank God for giving me the opportunity to be touched by Angie's life and little Audrey Caroline, whose short little life has touched mine in ways I never would have imagined.