Saturday, March 6, 2010

21 Years and 3 Kids Later...

Thursday was my 21 year anniversary. 
By today's standards I think that's pretty cool...actually I think it's cool by any standards, but that's beside the point. 

I had a post all ready for Thursday with a timeline of photos of the Head of My Household and me over the years, and then 2 things happened.

1.  We had a fight.
It's extrememly hard to say nice things about someone when you're mad...especially a husband!
2.  A teenage heart was broken in our home - first love ran its course.

The fight was really not a "fight" for heaven's sake...The Head of My Household just made a not very smart remark to me...as husbands will do from time to time...some, more times than others...remember the time he wanted to know what was for supper when I still had the suitcases in my hand??
The fight actually ended with him actually saying he was sorry...sorta...by way of blackberry message...but that counts, right??

The broken heart, however, was what really blocked the post, I think.  As I tried to comfort my firstborn through this particular life adjustment that we've known was coming since January, I couldn't help but think of the differences in how we view love at different points in our lives and the inevitable changes that our lives bring us whether or not we are "ready" for them.

Change is difficult...even in the best of situations, even if you're the one who chooses the change.  Adjusting to change, I think, is even harder than the change itself. 
After 21 years of marriage, I think that adjusting to change has got to be one of the key aspects of making a marriage work.  

DISCLAIMER: I am NOT a marriage counselor, nor do I even pretend to know what's best for a marriage...my own has seen its rockier days just as any relationship does.
I truly believe anyone who tells you that their relationship has been all hunky dory since Day 1 is a liar. 

I married my husband when I was only 20 years old. 
Do I regret it?
Absolutely not.
Do I think that young women should ascribe to getting married at 20 years old?
Absolutely not.

I say this because I think back to my own growing up years.  I think the last years of high school through at least 25 years of age and maybe even to 30 in today's world, a young person is just really learning who he or she is.  These years are the only time in a person's life when he or she is able to make choices and do things without really having to think about how those choices affect others (within reason, of course)

Once two people decide to marry, those days are over (or should be).
I realize as I type that sentence that is sounds like fun is over once a person marries...but that's not what I mean.
Once a person decides to share his or her life with someone, then all decisions include that other person as well.  And sometimes concessions have to be made.
It's just a different stage in life.

While my marriage is not perfect (is anyone's?), I am happily married.
I believe it is because I'm married to a man who is sure enough of himself to allow me to grow and mature, to adjust to the changes that life has brought us...some we expected and some we didn't.
I have tried to do the same for him. 
There is a 7 year difference in our ages so he has reached some stages in life before me
(I just had to add that part!)
Because I was much younger than him when we married, he has probably had to be more patient with my changes and adjustments than I have had to be with his.  And, for that, I thank him.

Our 3 daughters live in a home with both of their parents.
Something many of their friends do not have.
Our 3 daughters know that their parents love each other.
And that marriage isn't like Cinderella or any of that other Walt Disney stuff.

I hope that one day, when the time is right and they've done all the things they want to do, they'll find someone as strong, honest and caring as their father with whom to share the rest of their lives.

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