Generally each semester I begin to feel like I'm losing my mind during the brief two or so weeks back to school after Thanksgiving and then for sure I'm nervous breakdown material during Finals week.
This semester, however, I already feel that way.
There are a lot of reasons that are out of my control that I won't go into here.
This is not an academic blog.
This is not an academic blog.
But, I got a pretty harsh reminder this past week of the things I CAN control.
The man I love, my best friend, the man I can't fathom living without, decided to try and have a heart attack this past week.
As a matter of fact, two weeks ago on a Friday night, he actually thought he was having one.
The girls and I were there, and it was my birthday weekend.
He didn't say a word.
When he finally revealed this news to the cardiologist this past Monday, I almost fell off my stool.
I said, "Why didn't you say anything????"
He said, "Well, I just wanted to see what would happen?"
A couple of weeks before my birthday weekend he decided to run (he can't stand it that I might be better than him at something ;P)
When he got back, he said he felt as if his chest was on fire.
This was another piece of information he didn't share until this past Monday.
Hardhead did, in fact, make an appt. with his general practitioner after his running experience. The doctor examined him and recommended that he have a stress test.
Butthead agreed to have the stress test and made the appt. before he left the doctor's office.
A few days later, the doctor's office called to remind him of his appt. and also to tell him he needed to bring approximately $800 with him to pay up front for the test.
Now, I won't go into a whole other story here to tell you that we work our butts off and have a chunk of our salaries taken out each month for health insurance.
I also won't go into a whole other story to tell you that my husband is so tight that he squeaks when he walks.
Husband tried to explain that we have health insurance and that our deductible was met.
Doctor's office lady argued with him and said that wasn't what her computer showed.
Yep, husband said, "Nevermind. Cancel the appt. then."
He showed them!!
Fast forward to the events of my birthday weekend, and Caveman decides maybe the stress test is worth the $800.
He called the doctor's office back on Monday and re-scheduled the test for this past Friday.
Long story short (too late, I know), Heart Attack waiting to happen flunked his stress test.
The doctor put him on nitroglycerin and aspirin through the weekend and got him on the cardiologist's schedule for first thing Monday morning.
Admitted him to the hospital.
Performed a heart cath.
Inserted a stent to keep Pain in my Behind's artery open so that he would not die.
As they wheeled him away from me, not knowing exactly what they would find, I can't really even describe what I felt.
He's supposed to be the invincible one.
He always has been.
He saved me a long, long time ago.
And saves me still more often than I care to admit.
Now, it was time for me to save him.
I can't control his job.
But, I can recommend and let him know that I'm ok if he wants to do something different.
I can control what he eats at home.
And, I will.
Even though he says, "I ain't eatin' no salad!"
"I'm not a giraffe!"
"I might as well go out and graze in the front yard!"
I will continue to make our home a respite.
A place where work doesn't enter.
A place where letting down your hair and getting comfortable are the rules of thumb.
I will also take back my Saturdays.
No more grading papers.
I will take naps with my husband (huge sacrifice, yes ;)
I will be strong.
I will take care of myself.
And, I will pray that the years we have left together will be as good as the years we've had together so far.
Go give somebody you love a huge hug and kiss from me :)