Thursday, May 14, 2015

We fight.

We still feel like we're coasting through life with Leukemia day to day. 

Mom had her 4th bone marrow test and biopsy today in preparation for Consolidation Chemo which begins next Wednesday.  
Her blood and platelet counts looked really good today!
So, thankfully, after grueling weeks in the hospital (22 days) and 1 1/2 weeks at home, scared to death and feeling like shit, Mom has finally hit a few days where she actually has a little energy and is able to eat. 
We're learning to celebrate the small blessings.

It's difficult to be the daughter.  
Our parents are not supposed to be sick.  
They are supposed to be well.  
To see her reduced to spending so much time in the house in her bed has been weird.  
To see her so scared is even weirder.

The first few days I came to the house for a shower while she was in the hospital, I got the strangest feelings when I walked into the house. 
The smells in my mom's house are hers. 
But, she wasn't there.
I showered as quickly as I could and collapsed on the bed for a nap.  
When I woke up, I couldn't get back to the hospital quickly enough.

Staying busy and Spin class have saved me so far.  
I can't allow my brain to be by itself much.
It thinks of all the imagines all sorts of scenarios. 

This fight is day to day.
We don't have prognosis.  We only know that the Leukemia will come back.  
Not if.  When.
The FLT3 gene mutation assures us of that. 

I'm pretty pissed.


  1. Hang in there. That feeling you described when you walked into her house. I know that feeling. Get as much sleep as you can. I know it's hard but if you fall sick you can't be there for her either.

  2. Sending prayer and healing thoughts your way -