"I have lived entirely too much of my life hesitant. I'm a ponderer, an analyzer, a girl who rearranges thoughts and things to be more orderly. I'd like for all life's events to line up with quite a bit of predictability so that I can sense my people and I are headed in the general direction of joy and peace.
I crave for life to make sense.
I cringe when it doesn't." (53)
I have an issue right now.
It's something I've been thinking about for a while but just in the last month have gotten very serious about.
I've taken some initial steps towards resolving this issue...
but I just don't seem to be able to JUMP.
Of all the hesitant people in the world, I bet I would win a prize.
I have a lot of trouble jumping.
Wait a minute, you say.
Weren't you the lady who posted about Trust previously?
Yep, that's me.
But I can't jump.
I know, I know...sounds like a trust issue.
I exhaust myself.
The what ifs get me every time.
What if changing directions affects my youngest daughter?
What if changing directions affects my middle daughter?
What if changing directions affects my oldest daughter?
What if changing directions affects my husband?
Here's what hard for me to get...or maybe I get it...I just can't act upon it:
Changing directions or not changing directions is going to affect us all.
Yes, I've prayed about this.
And, guess what?
I believe God is nudging me towards changing directions.
So why can't I jump?
My brain says, "What if you are making yourself think God is nudging you?"
"What if you are just making this look the way it does?"
"What if you jump...and you're wrong?"
"What if jumping is really the worst thing you could do?"
It's hard y'all.
Which is why I think maybe I'm not supposed to TRY to trust.
I'm supposed to just TRUST.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
he leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul.
He leads me in right paths
for his name's sake.
TRUST and JUMP