Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Banging the Gavel...with no winner...Seeking Him First

When I opened TerKeurst's Uninvited this morning, the title of the chapter slapped me..."Friendship Breakups."

Ok, God, I'm listening...squirming while listening...but listening.

Remember the other day when I wrote about "toxic" people?

Me too.

I once considered this person as a friend.  In our current circumstances, I cannot delete her as a contact yet...but I have plans to do so.  
As a matter of fact, I have said more than once that once our current mutual circumstances are complete, I hope to never hear her name again or for our paths to cross.  

My head is bowed in shame now. 

I have spoken quite cruelly of her...and not just to one or two other people...
but I don't think I've ever prayed for her.  
I could check my prayer journal, but that might just be me trying to build my case a bit more...I'm right and she's wrong.

This chapter really hit home.

She is not my enemy.
And I am not hers.

TerKeurst suggests making a list of 3 things this person does here goes: 

1.  loves dogs
2.  can find money when our organization needs it
3.  jumps into a committed project with vehemence
4.  focused


When I was reading this section of the chapter, I thought...there is no way I can come up with 3 positive things about this person who I have many times wished to delete.  
Who has made me FEEL so freaked out (more than a few times) that I wanted to back away from an organization so dear to my heart just so I wouldn't have to be around her anymore.

Before I start listing out things she's done to me, I'll stop right here and remember that this isn't supposed to be easy.  
And that this is one friendship that there is probably not enough balm in Gilead to salvage this relationship.

Even though I realize this is an area of my life that needs healing, that doesn't mean reading and trying to apply this chapter is going to mend this relationship.
That's the reality.

But if, and I feel sure when, we end our friendship and shift to acquaintances...and I feel very strongly that is where we will shift own soul needs to get here.  
I'm not in charge.
God is.  
I have to be obedient to Him and let Him handle the rest. 

I'm not the authority on what's wrong with this person nor what she needs to do to fix her life. 
And she's not the authority on what's wrong with me nor what I need to do to fix my life.

God is.

My job is to be obedient.  

"Living loved" and "bringing the fullness of God" into any situation is the only way to get to the place where we can have peace in a situation that doesn't have a storybook ending." TerKeurst (72)

My job is to seek Him.
The rest is His.

Ephesians 6:12
For our struggle is not against enemies of blood and flesh, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers of this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.