Monday, May 29, 2017

Day 375 - Finding my Feet

9:45 a.m. Day 373

We traveled to my mom's yesterday and on our way here, I really did some thinking on what my focus on the blog is, should be, could be...
I've always been honest here...and will continue to do so...I'm going to have bad days and good days...that's just reality, and I'm way past trying to pretend anything else.

But...after spending the morning yesterday with 2 other faculty members at work during registration and listening to life stories and challenges from them (we weren't busy at all)...I decided that maybe my calling here should be a focus on self-care.

I wake up every day and purposely find ways to fight my anxiety and fight to protect my sobriety.  
I know my limits; I know what usually works for me; and I think about it all the time.
In order to purposely fight the anxiety and depression, I have started a list of all the things I can turn to if I feel that sinking felling coming on, if I find myself rooted to my chair mindlessly scrolling, or if I feel my mind or heart racing.
I made a list because once those things start happening, I lose my logic.
Thinking is gone.
Reality is gone.
I needed something to ground me.
The list is working so far :)
It just simply pulls me back.

I listen to podcasts,
I read paper version of a book,
I read something on my Kindle.
I stretch (my version of yoga),
I walk the dog,
I run (when my back allows),
I take pictures,
I meditate (sorta),
I listen to music,
I sing,
I watch the squirrels,
I watch Netflix (limited to one episode each day...mostly),
I vaccum (my idea why this works).
I make a gratitude list.
I read my Bible.
FB for 15 minutes and make positive comments to others.
IG for 15 minutes and make positive comments to others.
Read blogs
Write a blog entry.
Listen to an audiobook
15 minutes of Twitter and share something positive.
Watch a video from one of my favorite YouTubers
Check the menus for Blue Apron and update my calendar.
Drink a nice cold can of LaCroix in a fancy glass.
Make hot tea and sip it from a cozy cup.
Unload and load the dishwasher.
Wash, dry, and put away a load of clothes.
IG stories

10:30 a.m.
I had to stop typing to let the dogs out, get another cup of coffee, know...important things.

I'm very likely going to have to face the reality that my beloved coffee may exacerbate my anxiety.
I'm trying to slowly cut back.
It's hard.
Life is hard though...but I'm a tough cookie.

9:00 a.m. Day 375

30 minutes a day turned into 30 minutes over 3 days...:p
I think I got a little distracted by posting to Instagram...that happens sometimes.

We've been busy on this trip so I have a lot more to talk about...but I'll do that tomorrow :)


  1. I had to cut back on coffee recently and what is pretty good is adding a bit of coffee to heated almond milk either plain or vanilla but I like unsweetened vanilla. It still tastes like coffee but with less caffeine.

    I like your list. I am a bundle of nerves lately and have never really had to deal with that before. Is it an age thing? The act of making a list relaxes me. Getting my planner in order relaxes me. I think the death of my mom, the death of my FIL and the death of my dad, all in a row did a number on me.

    I think it's good that you are using social media to post positive comments. I tend to see social media in a negative way. I have to use it for work and if it wasn't for that I probably wouldn't be on there at all.

  2. I've pretty successfully cut back to just my one cup in the morning. I've found myself pouring a 2nd one and taking it in a travel mug to work the last few days, but I pour most of it out on my way home. I definitely think it's an age thing. I have an appt. soon for some hormone testing, allergy related testing, and for a nutritionists recommendations. I've thought about you a lot...your losses were so hard. I've lost my father-in-law as well but not my mom. She's in remission from Leukemia, but she's still trucking along. I like lists and planning too :) I'd love to tell you I successfully get myself out of my funk by picking something on the list...but some days...I just take a nap ;)