Friday, July 6, 2018

Recovery - From Toy Story to Jurassic record time.

There were two small children in our meeting today.
And a guy who was being released from treatment 2 hours after the meeting ended.
There are retired people, a lawyer, a nurse (or 2), teachers, business owners in the meetings I attend, and those are just the few people I know.
Nice people.
Family people.
People like me.
I'm not sure what I expected when I first entered those rooms...probably the same thing most people assume happens in an AA meeting.

The rooms have been packed this week, the holidays and all. 
I'm getting in as many meetings, readings, solidifying my morning routines as much as I can because Monday, I return to work.
This holiday hasn't been tough for me.
Preparing for what comes after the holidays is what has me spit-shining my armor.


Work is a huge trigger for me. 
We all have our own issues that make us snap; mine just happens to me my job.  
I can go from relaxed to panic in about 5 seconds at work.
It's not my actual profession; I am a teacher.  The time I spend in the classroom with my students is the most rewarding part of my job.
What can take me to the edge of sanity in a heartbeat is the environment.
That's about all I can say about that.
I can't control the environment.
But, I can try to control how I react to it.

I have to be mentally strong on Monday.
I'm not quite as open about my struggles at work.  As a matter of fact, I'm not open about them at all.
I know one other alcoholic on our campus...and a couple of people who fought prescription medicine addiction and meth...but that's it. 
I know they are out there.  
There's no way they aren't. 
But, we're all hiding.
And we all think we're the only one.
How the hell are we supposed to all be mentally strong in a powder keg environment?
Especially when we're all hiding in the barrels?

One of the funny (bc he makes me laugh) guys (F) said today...directly to the guy who was being released in two hours...
"Before I came into these rooms, I was in the business of dying.  
When you leave this room today, get right on to living...change businesses...get to a meeting tonight...not a week from now...tonight. Maybe then, we won't see you back here again."

Recovery is about living.
It's a choice I make everyday.
To live.

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