Thursday, July 5, 2018

Willing. Honest. Open-Minded.




The first time I stopped drinking, I was 20...which is ironic since the legal drinking age was 21.
I stopped drinking the first time bc someone I cared about asked me to.

Fast-forward 10 years, and alcohol slowly but surely made its way back into my life.
Cunning, baffling, powerful doesn't even begin to describe.
Before I knew it, I was hiding...and pretending my drinking was normal.

10 more years went by and I was in trouble.
I just didn't realize how much.

7 more years, and I was quickly headed to the bottom.

I'm a people pleaser...always have been.
But, I'm also a hard-head.
Perfectionist.
I want to do it my way.

Being a people pleaser and wanting to do it my way are incredibly difficult characteristics to possess at the same time.
I want to do things my way...but I want people to be pleased with my way.

I had a therapist once tell me that it must be exhausting to be me.
Well, no shit, Sherlock.

That was about the time I stopped going to see her.

If I'm willing, I'm not just willing in spirit.  I'm willing through my actions. I'm willing to do the work.
Every damn day.

If I'm honest, I'm honest.  I'm me. I'm not worried about what other people think of me.  I don't have to try to be anyone else.  If somebody has a problem with who I am, that's THEIR problem.  Not mine.

If I'm open-minded, I'll listen to the stories.  I'll tell my own.  I'll work the steps.  I'll be there for others.
Whether or not I FEEL like it doesn't matter.
I just do it.

Sobriety isn't for sissies.


4 comments:

  1. Bless you.....and God give you the stamina to fight daily....hugs

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  2. No, sobriety is definitely not for sissies. Alcoholism is a real beast which has to be fought daily but it's a beast that can be beat.

    ReplyDelete