Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Girl Talk - You know your in trouble when your gynecologist says, "At your age..."


Right about the time, I was really beginning to see some progress in my 6 month old running/training/clean eating program, I finally got around to seeing my OB/GYN for a follow-up appt. for a cyst the nurse practitioner and I have been "watching" for about 3 years.  
When the cyst first appeared, I did enough googling to find out that it was called a Bartholin's Gland Cyst, and unless they become infected, it's best to leave them alone.  
I had read about the procedure to remove the the infected cysts, and WHEW!! that was NOT for me because mine didn't bother me at all.
You may Google now if you like to see more about this blessed condition bc honestly, I just ain't goin' there. 

I announced to the doctor when he entered the exam room that I was not there bc I wanted to have surgery...I was there simply bc the nurse practitioner had recommended once or twice...ok, maybe three times, that I get a surgical opinion.
I wanted him to know that I was in charge.
Now then.
He responded by saying, "Ok, that's fine...but let's just see what we're talking about."
The next thing I know he's talking about my age..."Because of your age..."

WHAT??

He very nicely told me that the cutoff for leaving a growing cyst is 40...and I'm 44. 
I told him I didn't appreciate the age remark.
He chuckled and then apologized.  
I started to ask him for his birth certificate, but I controlled myself.

We discussed the options, none of which sounded positive to me.
"I'm a runner," I said.
"When's your next race?" he said.
I told him, and he put me on antibiotics to hopefully get me through another month of no infection before having the surgery.
He said I needed 2 solid weeks of recovery time with NO RUNNING.
Excuse me, what?
He said, I wouldn't want to run bc of where the stitches will be; they will rub against each other when I walk, much less run.
He was adamant, however, that the surgery was much easier and recovery time much less painful and much quicker if the cyst was removed BEFORE it was infected...and that the infection can set in quickly...overnight even, and that I might possibly be in excruciating pain if that happened.
"Because of my age," he would also need to remove the entire gland, along with the cyst.
Crap.


"At my age" Bartholin's Gland Cancer is very rare, but the only way to know if the 8-10 cm solid mass in my hoohah region needed to be removed was to remove it.  
Ain't that a bitch?
Sorry. Not sorry.  My ass hurts, so you'll have to forgive me.
Not really my ass...but you know what I mean.
Hold on a minute while I shift my donut cushion :/

I left with instructions to call the scheduling office the following Monday to set up the surgery.
I delayed that phone call as long as possible...
I know, I know.

I called, scheduled, then called and re-scheduled.  
And then, finally I said to the husband..."What do I do?" 
He said, "Get it out."
He's a man of few words.


We went to the hospital last Friday. 
They dosed me up with some really nice meds, I went to sleep, and then woke up.  
Is it over? 
Yep.
3 cheers for general anesthesia!!

I came out of recovery and vaguely remember shouting to my anesthesiologist as we rolled down the hallway, 'THANKS! for waking me up!!"
Ahem.

I have a lot of allergies, so we were being really careful with the antibiotics and pain meds.
But.
I forgot to tell them I was allergic to codeine.
The sweet, sweet nurse wanted to make sure I was pain free, so she gave me a Percocet after she had unhooked my IV for the ride home.
Percocet = codeine on steroids.
Oh yeah.
  
My gasping for air freaked the nurse out a little, but I've been there before, so I was pretty calm.
They got me more meds to counter-act the Percocet, and I finally threw that mess up.  
I was a new woman then.
Well, sortof...a new woman with a broken hoohah, which was still numb.
We had hoped to be out of there before noon, but the reaction delayed our departure by a couple more hours.

I slept all the way home...no clue of what we did, what I said, who we picked up, etc.
Got out of the car, into my bed and slept, and slept, and slept, and slept, and slept...
Until my hoo-hah woke up around 3 a.m.

That was 10 long days ago.
I'm still sitting on my donut pillow, but my favorite and most comfortable place is soaking in a hot bath, and I live in boxer shorts and walk like a penguin.  It's 90+ degrees here in MS, so staying inside is a no-brainer.  Generally, going to the grocery store or church in boxer shorts is frowned upon anyway :p
I had 3 C-sections, so I don't know what an episotomy feels like, but the doctor said this would be similar.


My next race is 5 days away.
I check my progress in the nether regions daily; I've become more familiar with the anatomy of my lady parts than I ever thought I would be.
I am definitely making progress every. single. day.
But, there is no danger of me running before I heal completely.
None.

I won't have the results of the pathology until my check-up although we are not expecting any surprises.
I'm just ready to run.