Monday, May 22, 2017

Day 368 - Living in a Broken World


9:38 p.m.
As the alarm went off yesterday morning, I pulled my covers back over my head.  
I was tired.  Yep. That was it.  Not wanting to open my eyes didn't have anything to do with my oldest child leaving for 3 months.  Not a thing.
I do this dance sometimes where I try to be the mom who doesn't butt in and the mom who butts in and then the mom who doesn't butt in.  
I never have any idea whether or not I'm doing this parenting gig right.


I waited until close to actual leaving time to get up and go to the kitchen.
She and her dad were loading the car, but when she saw me in the kitchen she asked,
"Mom, will you make me a cup of coffee?"  
I scurried to make the coffee 
So pleased that she would ask me.
Is that silly?

I fixed her coffee and poured it into a travel mug.
For her travels.

I said good-bye as my husband started the car...and reminded her very quickly as many of our treasured "life lessons" as I could:
Expect to be treated well.
Don't settle.
Be happy.
Smile and take care of yourself.
Rest.
Sleep is the most important medicine.
Have fun.
Make smart decisions.
God loves you unconditionally and so do I.
Daddy and I are always here for you.

We hugged, and she said ok, she remembered everything.
We didn't look each other in the eye.
I'm not good at good-byes, and neither is she.
It's time for her to fly.
I want her to fly.

And then I took a nap...or two.

I napped today as well.
But only once.
I felt the shadow a bit today, but I had a reason...so I didn't worry too much and took my meds as directed.  I know from experience that it may take several weeks for everything to balance out.  
I'm ok with that and not ashamed at all.

I had several other things I wanted to write about tonight.
And then Manchester happened.
Mothers, daughters, friends.
The venue was filled with them.



I don't know the answer to most of the world's problems...
but I know Hate isn't it.

I'm praying tonight for all the families affected by this tragic event.