Thursday, April 19, 2018

Saving Bobby by Renee Hodges - Book Review


Saving Bobby by Renee Hodges




The Basics

Publisher: She Writes Press
(May 1, 2018)
Paperback: 349 pages

Purchase Links
Why?

I'm a person in long-term recovery.  My sobriety is based on staying aware of my issues, following my steps, and trying to always be there for others.
Our stories are important, and I wholeheartedly cheer on those who are brave enough to tell them.


Summary from the Publisher
(I've highlighted in red the parts that yelled at me loud and clear that I must read this book!)


When Renee Hodges invited her nephew, Bobby, to come stay with her for a few weeks so he could visit a doctor about his back pain, she knew he was recovering from an addiction to prescription painkillers. She believed that if he could address his back problems, he would have a better chance of staying clean―but she had no idea what a roller coaster ride she was getting on.

Unlike other books about addictionSaving Bobby begins after rehab is over. Told in part through journal entries, e-mails, and personal recollections, this raw, honest, deeply moving memoir―begun to keep the family accountable―describes the sixteen months that Hodges, her husband, and their community struggled alongside Bobby as he attempted to successfully re-enter the day-to-day world. Using a holistic and open approach, the shame and stigma associated with addiction was lessened―and ultimately, Bobby learned he had to save himself.

A gripping and heartrending story of survival, Saving Bobby is an essential, timely read for those concerned about America’s most pressing epidemic.


First Impressions
(written after Chapter 1)

The first chapter of is an email from Renee to her own psychologist, asking for help for a friend of hers who own son has relapsed.  
The franticness is visible in her words.
Relapse is reality for many.
Far too many.
I've watched many an addict/alcoholic come and go from meetings, doing and re-doing Step 1.
Some disappear forever.
I bet this young man doesn't make it.


My Perspective

What/Who I Liked

There are some vitally important concepts within Renee's story:

Addiction is a disease, and it travels through family...through generations.  Some people are skipped.  We don't know why.
It is what it is...but that's hard for the alcoholic/addict as well as those the disease skips.  I'd honestly never thought before about how the person the disease skips must feel.
A survivor's guilt.

Transparency.  No hiding.  Break the stigma.  These tenets are key to ever being able to control the addiction epidemic.  Renee preaches them and practices them.

Exhaustion. Renee is Bobby's aunt.  I think a lot of people would question Bobby's parents decision to let go and let someone else.
I didn't.
You can't help an addict who won't help himself/herself...and sometimes I think that's harder for parents to accept than anyone.
I've watched parents fix every broken thing in their children's lives.  
Many of those children are dead.

The crossovers and connections between alcohol and opioid addiction.  Addiction is addiction.  A person in recovery must be vigilant...if he/she wants to stay sober.

The structure of Renee's story: Emails.  To herself, her own therapist, Bobby's parents, Bobby's drug counselor...I LOVED this format!

The list of recovery techniques I myself walked away with...Renee reminds the reader many times that she is not a licensed counselor, social worker, or physician.  I couldn't help but wonder if like Bobby, she should become one.

Renee's honesty - the 16 months Bobby lived with her and her husband weren't always great.  Bobby's recovery affected her life.  She doesn't try to pretend that it didn't.

I'll be buying my sporting goods from Dick's from now on ;) 


What/Who I Didn't Like (My issues)

Don't get me wrong here at all...I'm never sure what to call this section because it's not that I really didn't like these people, characters, or parts of the book...these are the parts that irked me a bit bc of my own peculiarities...which are many.  Especially surrounding this particular content area.

Full disclosure as I mentioned above: I'm a person in long time recovery myself.  Recovery is a day to day process...I don't care how long you've been sober.  The disease never goes away.  It's with you till you die.

Organization, making lists, coming up with solutions, always having a positive uplifting word for Bobby...these were the times that I rolled my eyes at Renee.  I bet Bobby did too sometimes.  I'm fifty, and I rolled my eyes at Renee.  Not sure what that says about me. 



Here's the thing.
As an addict, many times it's not that we don't know what we should do. 
It's the action part.
If recovery was as easy as writing out a list of things the addict needs to do to stay sober, no one would be addicted to anything.
It's just not that easy.

What Bobby had in Renee (I think) is someone who not only told him what he needed to do, but she also almost at times walked him through the things he needed to do...for over a year.  I do seriously wonder if this aspect is what's missing from rehab.  I've read a lot of research about behavior changes.  Sometimes if a person can just go through the motions for a certain amount of time, then it becomes habit.  I don't think it happens all at once and I don't think there is any magical timeframe.
In the educational world, we call this scaffolding...the highly effective teacher provides instruction and guidance through new concepts.  As the student picks up on those concepts, the teacher then slowly removes her support.
She sometimes has to step back in before she can fully let go...and sometimes multiple times over a period of time.
When this process ends, however, true learning has taken place.

On a lighter note, also as an addict, my response to Renee's organization is pretty typical of how many addicts would respond I think...hence the "respectful" eyeroll.
It's the same eyeroll I get when I ask my doctor why I've gained so much weight in the last year and he mentions the pop tarts I love so tenderly...



Even though Saving Bobby is Renee's story, her experiences, I would have LOVED to have Bobby's commentary more throughout Renee's timeline. 

Golden Lines

Looking back, I let my righteous feelings morph into defensive feelings, then morph again into judgmental feelings.  I was affected by John's addiction every bit as much as if it were my own and I were the one who must bring the bottle to my lips every day. (140)


Accidents are the primary cause of death for individuals aged 18-25 years.  Historically, car accidents have represented the bulk of these fatal accidents. However, in 2009, more young people between the ages of 18 and 25 died from drug overdoses than from car accidents. (340)

The United States represents 5 percent of the world's population yet consumes 75 percent of the world's prescription drugs. (In 2009 the United States consumed 99 percent of the world's hydrocodone, 60 percent of the world's hydromorphone, and 81 percent of the world's oxycodone. (340-341)

What Now?

I've got a couple of other recovery narratives on my TBR shelves that I really need to get around to.
I'm also really interested in the publisher of Renee's book, She Writes Press.  I'm all about empowering women...and telling our stories.  
Imagine what we could do in this world by standing up, telling our stories, and cheering each other on??

Full Disclosure Statement:  She Writes Press provided me with a complimentary copy of Saving Bobby in exchange for an honest review.  The comments above are my own and offered without bias.






Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Can't Wait Wednesday - Between Earth and Sky by Amanda Skenandore




Linking up with Wishful Endings today :)

Every week, I skim through the "Coming Soon" list at Barnes and Noble for the following week.  
I love looking at the covers and selecting finalists for my upcoming favorites.
Yes, I'm a book nerd.

If I find a cover that interests me, then I open it up and read the blurb.
There are way too many books to read for me to waste one more second, so a book has to grab me...where I am...in that moment.
Most of the time, I can't even predict what that moment looks like.
It's up to the book really ;)

I force myself to stop at 1 choice.  Once I find it, I stop looking...until next week :)

Without further adieu, here's my Can't Wait choice among the "Coming Soon" selections on Barnes and Noble for the week of April 23, 2018:



Between Earth and Sky by Amanda Skenandore



Publisher: Kensington
Publication Date: 4/24/2018
Pages: 336

Here's the synopsis from Barnes and Noble: 
(I've highlighted in red the parts that yell at me loud and clear that I must read this book!)

In Amanda Skenandore’s provocative and profoundly moving debut, set in the tragic intersection between white and Native American culture, a young girl learns about friendship, betrayal, and the sacrifices made in the name of belonging.

On a quiet Philadelphia morning in 1906, a newspaper headline catapults Alma Mitchell back to her past. A federal agent is dead, and the murder suspect is Alma’s childhood friend, Harry Muskrat. Harry—or Asku, as Alma knew him—was the most promising student at the “savage-taming” boarding school run by her father, where Alma was the only white pupil. Created in the wake of the Indian Wars, the Stover School was intended to assimilate the children of neighboring reservations. Instead, it robbed them of everything they’d known—language, customs, even their names—and left a heartbreaking legacy in its wake. 

The bright, courageous boy Alma knew could never have murdered anyone. But she barely recognizes the man Asku has become, cold and embittered at being an outcast in the white world and a ghost in his own. Her lawyer husband, Stewart, reluctantly agrees to help defend Asku for Alma’s sake. To do so, Alma must revisit the painful secrets she has kept hidden from everyone—especially Stewart.

Told in compelling narratives that alternate between Alma’s childhood and her present life, Between Earth and Sky is a haunting and complex story of love and loss, as a quest for justice becomes a journey toward understanding and, ultimately, atonement.

About the Author


Amanda Skenandore is a historical fiction writer and registered nurse. In writing Between Earth and Sky, she has drawn on the experiences of a close relative, a member of the Ojibwe Tribe, who survived an Indian mission school in the 1950s. Between Earth and Sky is Amanda’s first novel. She lives in Las Vegas, Nevada. Readers can visit her website at www.amandaskenandore.com.

I was a little nervous that Between Earth and Sky would be depressing, but the phrase "ultimate atonement" leads me to believe I won't be left bereft at the end of this complicated story.  Anybody else heard of this one?

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Top Ten Tuesday - Freebie - Books Added to My TBR from Other TTT Lists



Top Ten Tuesday - April 17, 2018

I've loved "Top Ten Tuesdays" for a while.
But sometimes I forget to post them.
Even when I plan them.
True story.



One thing that always happens on a weekly basis is my Amazon Wishlist and Goodreads "Want to Read" lists grow immensely with all the books I see on other people's lists. 
Soooooo
Since this week's prompt is a freebie, I finally decided today that I would make a list of those very books!

So without further adieu, here we go!

Top Ten Books Added to My TBR This Week from Other Bloggers' Top Ten Tuesday Lists 

Top Ten Tuesday host, Artsy Reader Girl, gets my #1 pick this week!

1. Sacajawea by Anna Lee Waldo

I actually have read this book before...a looooooong time ago. I'm not a re-reader, but this is one I would re-read and wouldn't mind finding a hardback to keep.





2.  The Road to Paradise  by Karen Barnett

posted by Courtney @ The Green Mockingbird

How did I not know these books existed?? 




3.  Three Things about Elsie by Joanna Cannon

found on Rain City Reads this week

I enjoy good books about life, and this sounds like one not to miss.





4.  Bonfire by Krysten Ritter

I've debated on Bonfire for a while.  
I'm a Krysten Ritter fan but wasn't sure I wanted her to be an author too...I'm also on a mystery/thriller hiatus it seems right now.  Don't have much explanation for that, but Rain City Reads' Top Ten Tuesday list, once again, pushed me over the edge in adding Bonfire to my Goodreads and Amazon lists. :)





5.  Lilac Girls by Martha Hall Kelly

I really thought Lilac Girls was already on my lists, but after seeing it on Reading Ladies Book Club today, I double checked.  It wasn't...but it is now.  




6.  The Baker's Secret by Stephen P. Kiernan

Reading Ladies Book Club strikes again ;) 





7.  Between Shades of Gray by Ruta Sepetys

Reading Ladies again...I'm loving this list and their Honorable Mentions, which is the list Between Shades of Gray came from...but hey, it works for me :) 
Historical fiction is my favorite genre right now.  
There are so many parts of our history that I need to know.  




8.  From Here to Eternity by Caitlin Doughty

If you had told me I would be adding a book about death to my TBR tonight, I would have told you that you didn't know me very well.
Apparently, I don't know myself very well because I'm adding From Here to Eternity to my list from Chain Interaction's list...
AND
another book about death by the same author...




which is my #9 book this week.

9.  Smoke Gets in Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty





and FINALLY!
Because I'm stopping at 10, lest my TBRs overflow!


10.  Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare

Yes, I realize The Infernal Devices trilogy has been around for years...and I think my oldest daughter actually owns it...but I really wasn't interested in reading it until something about it on A Reader's Fiction made me perk up.



WHEW!
As I prepare to post my own Top Ten Tuesday over at Artsy Reader Girl, there are 184 other lists.  
I only made it through the first 49!
Can you see how so many books get added to my TBR each week?? 

I love every second of it!! 



Till next week!


Monday, April 16, 2018

My Dear Hamilton by Stephanie Dray & Laura Kamoie - TLC Book Review

My Dear Hamilton 

by Stephanie Dray and Laura Kamoie


My Dear Hamilton


• Hardcover: 672 pages
• Publisher: William Morrow (April 3, 2018)

The Publisher's Summary
*highlighted in red are the tidbits that piqued my interest in reading My Dear Hamilton*

From the New York Times bestselling authors of America’s First Daughter comes the epic story of Eliza Schuyler Hamilton—a revolutionary woman who, like her new nation, struggled to define herself in the wake of war, betrayal, and tragedy. In this haunting, moving, and beautifully written novel, Dray and Kamoie used thousands of letters and original sources to tell Eliza’s story as it’s never been told before—not just as the wronged wife at the center of a political sex scandal—but also as a founding mother who shaped an American legacy in her own right.

A general’s daughter…
Coming of age on the perilous frontier of revolutionary New York, Elizabeth Schuyler champions the fight for independence. And when she meets Alexander Hamilton, Washington’s penniless but passionate aide-de-camp, she’s captivated by the young officer’s charisma and brilliance. They fall in love, despite Hamilton’s bastard birth and the uncertainties of war.

A founding father’s wife…
But the union they create—in their marriage and the new nation—is far from perfect. From glittering inaugural balls to bloody street riots, the Hamiltons are at the center of it all—including the political treachery of America’s first sex scandal, which forces Eliza to struggle through heartbreak and betrayal to find forgiveness.

The last surviving light of the Revolution…
When a duel destroys Eliza’s hard-won peace, the grieving widow fights her husband’s enemies to preserve Alexander’s legacy. But long-buried secrets threaten everything Eliza believes about her marriage and her own legacy. Questioning her tireless devotion to the man and country that have broken her heart, she’s left with one last battle—to understand the flawed man she married and imperfect union he could never have created without her…

Purchase Links

HarperCollins | Amazon | Barnes & Noble


Why?

Historical fiction
U.S. history
female lead
an important woman whose name has been left out of history 


First Impressions

I just read another review that mentioned the book was 600 pages long...I never noticed, y'all. 
I'm not exaggerating.
I was hooked from the first lines.

Golden Lines

I was someone before I met Alexander Hamilton. (11)

Semper Fidelis. Always faithful. Always loyal. (23)

Virginians are preposterous creatures, I thought for the first, but not the last time. (47)

He took a breath, then stared off into the distance.  "I begin to hate the country for neglecting us.  Our soldiers are left to suffer.  Our ideals of true equality are scorned.  And men without talent or integrity are unjustly advanced.  Schemers and slanderers - " He blinked, as if remembering himself.  "None of which, of course, is proper conversation for a ball." (84)

"It must all be done right between us.  I must write for your father's blessing." 
"He might not give it," I admitted.
But Hamilton replied, "I am told I am very persuasive with a pen.  Especially when I want something.  And I want you." (118-119)

MUTINY! MUTINY! MUTINY! (143)

While Alexander wolfed down his dinner and worked out more calculations, I copied his notes for hours, concentrating on my penmanship, until my eyes glazed over from recording lengthy discussions of generating revenue, paying the military, currency depreciation, foreign credit, and instituting a national bank. (163)

It was a reminder of all the different sorts of people who had taken part in our revolution. Black and white. Slaves and free. Indians and immigrants. Rich and poor.  
Women, too. (215)

"Betsy." Some emotion seemed to catch  in his throat and afflict his tongue.  "I would never wish for you to suffer..." He stammered as if unable to spit it out, until he blurted, "There are still those amongst us who give a care for propriety." (236)

He will not be bound by even the most solemn of all obligations! Wedlock (267)

That summer.
What did Eliza know? (303)

"All you do is fight," I whispered. "You fight Jefferson, you fight Madison, and Burr.  You fight the Jacobins, the Clintons, the Livingstons, the newspapers, the Congress, the French ambassador - " (332)

"Bring out your dead!" (335)

"Eliza, this is the way of honor with gentlemen."
"If it's honor that you value, then perhaps you ought to guard the esteem your country still has for you by not offering to brawl in the streets like a madman." (375)

But six of the most talented men in America had turned down the post of secretary of state simply because the irrational calumny heaped upon the heads of public officials was so calculated and unrelenting as to put a man and his family in fear for their lives. (382)

"You're a shameless woman, Eliza Hamilton." (422)

Captain Eacker had grabbed my son by the collar and called him a rascal.  Rascal.  A word which, when spoken by one gentleman to another, demanded bloodshed. (463)

...I gathered my darling babies around me and somehow uttered the words, "Your father is dying, my little loves.  And now we must say farewell." (490)

They'd murdered my husband. They'd taken him from me.  But I still had his words, and they were my solace.  Hamilton could still speak to me through those pages.  His love letters.  His ideas.  His essays.  Thousands of pages. (504)

So the Orphan Asylum Society was born.  Because some life must grow up from amongst all this death and sacrifice.  And I was done with losing things. (519)

Don't tell Betsy, Alexander.
Never confess it.
Not even if I am dead. (545)

"Forgive my friend, Hamilton," Lafayette said, as if he'd sensed the softening in me toward the man without whom I supposed I could have never become who I was. (591)


My Reading Response

What/Who I Liked

the authors' "Notes to the Reader" in the beginning and the "Note from the Authors" in the end.  The authors give full disclosure to their readers on the information they used in their story, the places they traveled, the gaps they filled where necessary, and their writing and researching methods.  I was sooooo impressed by these sections.


General Schuyler - Eliza's father - a lot of Eliza's depth you will see in her father and the way she and her sisters were raised.  They weren't raised to be "ninnies"...flitting around with parasols.  They could play the part when necessary, but they were made of deeper "stuff."  They could bend, but they didn't break...no matter how hard life got.  They understood the world around them and actively participated in it.  Their connections with the Native American tribes in upstate New York and their abilities to run a household as well as medical treatment when needed would scare even some of the toughest ladies today.
They truly stood as examples of the words "patriot" and "family."

the Marquis de Lafayette - I'm going to be honest here...I don't remember much about the Marquis from my history classes...and that's a shame.  I'm working hard to remedy that.


General Washington - certainly I've always felt our first president must have been a man of honor and most of the stories I've heard and history I've studied has backed up this assumption...but again, I wasn't prepared for the pride I would feel as I read My Dear Hamilton at the depth and length of the lives sacrificed for our country's independence.  And I don't just mean those who died.
From the top to the bottom...great men and women to those in their fields and homes, Native Americans, African Americans, and American immigrants from all over the world...they had to know they probably would not see the fruits of the labors.
Yet, they did it anyway.

Alexander Hamilton - a rascal for sure, and a man who literally shot his nose off to spite his face *insert eye roll*
but, my goodness you can't help but like this character...he was a scrapper, a regular person, born of questionable family ties, desperate to make a name for himself, intelligent past what would have been expected a man of his "breeding" - a writer - an orator - a man who really deep down cared about independence and the common man.
A man who despite all the admirable characteristics...was majorly fallible.  He let his emotions get the best of him at times...but he still loved his family.  He did everything he did with passion.  And fought right alongside Washington who was his calm side but just as passionate...if that makes any sense.

Martha Washington - oh, I want so much to know her better - I've scoured GoodReads to find more.

The romance - y'all, I didn't want to like the romance...and I usually snarl at any indication that a story will include too much of it...but Eliza and Alexander's story is just about as epic of a romance as a reader could ever hope to take in.  The word "romance" doesn't really do their story justice...we all know how it ends, but even my clear, logical head was rooting for Alexander to come to his senses and decide at the last minute not to go to Weehawken that fated morning.
I got swept off my feet, y'all. 
My cheeks are a little pink here.

After the war ended - Am I the only one who thought everything was great once the war ended?  Until the Civil War?
*eyes rolling again*
I so enjoyed that as Alexander and Eliza's story unfolded, the reader also gets to see a young country become her own.  There were only 13 colonies of course, and it was difficult enough to get them all to agree on how to organize and sustain what they had fought so valiantly for...imagine if they knew then what we have now?? 

The Schuyler sisters - no wonder there's currently a huge Broadway hit that brings these ladies to light.
No perfect relationships here for sure, but they were their father's daughters.  And they could stand on their own.

The descriptions of early New York - the daily shopping, the wharf, the young country, a burgeoning population...I'm a sucker for rich description, and Dray & Kamoie do not disappoint.

Eliza's life after Hamilton's death - while Alexander Hamilton certainly played a huge part in who Eliza Hamilton was...and we probably would have never heard her name without his existence tied to her - I truly enjoyed her life after his.  That she did not just crawl away and live in shame is again a testament to the father who raised her.  She didn't back down, she didn't hide from people nor the truth, she still worked for "the cause," and despite everything he put her through, she still honored Hamilton's name and made sure he would not be forgotten.  Turns out she might have been even more of a friend to his name than he was to hers. 


What/Who I Didn't Like

General Benedict Arnold - do I have to explain this?

the politics - I was disappointed to see that much of what frustrates me about politics today was alive and well during the battle for Independence.  The treachery, lying, manipulation, backstabbing, scheming, conspiracy...deception played a large part of 

Aaron Burr 

Again, no spoiler that Eliza and Hamilton's relationship was in for some serious challenges.  And to live during this time that even though a woman could divorce her husband for adultery, she would still be ruined by such a decision.  Her children as well.  Not to mention the fact that she loved her husband...and he loved her.  Which seems a ridiculous statement to make. There are no secrets here; it's all a matter of historical record, but Dray and Kamoie made my heart hurt for Eliza as she began to put the pieces together both before and after Hamilton's death.  


The Google Factor (I'm a nerd)

The Iroquois - The Oneida (first allies of the Americans)
Six Nations
Two Kettles Together 
Colonel Tench Tilghman
New Netherland
Major John Andre'
The Pastures 



Pinkster festivities

Alexander Hamilton and James Madison - Congress of the Confederation alliances
The Federalist
antifederalists
Dolley Payne Todd - Quaker
Ratification of the Constitution

James Armistead

The Bank of New York
African Free School
Manumission Society

Shay's rebellion

Articles of Confederation revision
Washington's Inauguration
Governor Clinton
Secretary, Thomas Jefferson

Vice President, John Adams
Abigail Adams
slavery after the Revolutionary War

Maria Reynolds

the French Revolution

Yellow Fever, Philadelphia 1793
Hamilton's Insurrection

Jefferson and the Republicans

The Alien and Sedition Acts 

Jefferson and Sally Hemmings
The War of 1812

Free School for Young Africans


What Now?

I'm moving right along to America's First Daughter and buying this one in hardback for my keeper shelves!
I'm also contemplating buying 3 extravagantly priced tickets to see Hamilton on Broadway when my youngest daughter, my mom, and me go to New York in May!


The Authors

About Stephanie Dray

Stephanie Dray is a New York Times, Wall Street Journal & USA Today bestselling author of historical women’s fiction. Her award-winning work has been translated into eight languages and tops lists for the most anticipated reads of the year. Before she became a novelist, she was a lawyer and a teacher. Now she lives near the nation’s capital with her husband, cats, and history books.
Find out more about Stephanie at her website, and connect with her on FacebookInstagram, and Twitter.


About Laura Kamoie

Laura Kamoie is the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and USA Today bestselling author of historical fiction. She holds a doctoral degree in early American history from The College of William and Mary, published two non-fiction books on early America, and most recently held the position of Associate Professor of History at the U.S. Naval Academy before transitioning to a full-time career writing fiction. Laura lives among the colonial charm of Annapolis, Maryland, with her husband and two daughters.
Find out more about Laura at her website, and connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.


Other Tour Stops

Wednesday, April 4th: Broken Teepee
Thursday, April 5th: A Chick Who Reads
Friday, April 6th: Lit.Wit.Wine.Dine.
Friday, April 6th: Instagram: @happiestwhenreading
Monday, April 9th: A Bookish Affair
Tuesday, April 10th: Girls in Books
Wednesday, April 11th: West Metro Mommy
Thursday, April 12th: Reading Reality
Friday, April 13th: The Lit Bitch
Monday, April 16th: Peppermint PhD
Tuesday, April 17thTina Says…
Wednesday, April 18thCerebral Girl in a Redneck World
Thursday, April 19thLiterary Lindsey
Monday, April 23rdDoing Dewey
Tuesday, April 24thInto the Hall of Books
Wednesday, April 25thInstagram: @lavieestbooks
Friday, April 27thInstagram: @_literary_dreamer_