About Me

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I am a forty-eight year old mother, wife, animal lover, runner, Believer. My faith has sustained me since I was 15 years old despite my own flailing about. I'm making major changes in my life, and it feels pretty good (most of the time). #wideawakebodyandsoul #TeamIron #TeamBelieve

Friday, October 7, 2016

Still Haven't Jumped

I don't feel like writing this morning...I feel like sleeping.
I'm truly already looking forward to the nap I'm planning to take after work.

Today should be a fairly easy day. 
We will actually have office time today due to a math competition that is taking over our building.
My plan is to close my office door and work in peace and quiet.
I need to do lots of organizing, grading, and check things off my checklist.

We'll see how that goes.

I had a pretty intense conversation with Kendal yesterday. 
In a Runner's World interview that I listened to yesterday, Kristen Armstrong brought up a quote..."You are only as happy as your unhappiest kid."  Yikes.
Both my older girls are struggling some.  
This blog serves as my story and not theirs so I won't go into details here.  But, suffice to say, they have both graduated from college and are a little stalled in the adult world. 
"Am I an adult?"
"Am I a kid?"
"Look at those silly college freshmen!"
"Look at those old people."
"Where am I?"
"I want to be like the groups of young adults on Friends or How I Met Your Mother, or The Big Bang Theory."

By their age, I was married.
I had a college degree, full time job, and was an adult female, teacher, wife in pretty much all sense of the words.
But they are somewhere in between...and I'm struggling to help them take the next steps.
Whatever those steps may be.  

I see them spinning their wheels.
They are so hesitant to forge on. 
Neither is in a situation she wants to be in, yet neither can even imagine taking the first step to making change.

And, then it hit me.
Wonder where they get this hesitancy from?
Oh boy.

I still haven't jumped.
I want my decision to be a perfect one.
I want a guarantee.
I want to be able to change my mind and come back to this comfortable spot if things don't work out better.
I like my comfortable spot.
But I really don't.
It's just safe.
But, not really.

Why am I still waiting?
Why are they still waiting?

Stepping out is scary.
Very scary.

I'm gonna need another cup of coffee.