Morning musings

Anybody else think their straightest first thing in the morning?

Anybody else still have a hard time getting up early even when they know they will be so happy they did?

only me?

not at all surprised.

The first thing I do every morning is 

use the bathroom

take my meds

take my phone off the charger and walk downstairs to make the first blessed cup of coffee

I sit in one of my outside swings and drink that first cup while I give myself permission to scroll.

When the first cup is done, I make the 2nd one and sit down with my morning books and Jesus...back in the swing.

Now, some people will tell you I'm doing it wrong.  They would tell you that I should have my time with Jesus before I scroll on my phone.

And I have fallen into guilt about that my own self from time to time.

But here's the thing...

I have yet to find a story in the Bible that tells me Jesus is upset with me because I drink a cup of coffee before we meet. 

I don't think Jesus works like that.

I like to think that Jesus may be having quiet time with someone else when I first get up, so I'm just waiting patiently for our appt. time to begin.

A quick scroll through social media helps me also remember that so many people in our world are hurting...Jesus is, in fact, a very busy Savior right now.

My morning reads right now are :

The Book of Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals

She Reads Truth Bible

One Thousand Gifts Devotional by Ann Voskamp

and 

Miracles and Other Reasonable Things by Sarah Bessey

The Book of Common Prayer is a year round read...I started this last year, have put it down from time to time but always seem drawn to come back to it. 

I didn't care for the She Reads Truth Bible when I first bought it...but I love it now.

I have no idea how to explain this.

My mom, my youngest daughter, and I are supposed to be working our way through the One Thousand Gifts Devotional...

Sarah Bessey's book is an add on...Over the summer, I've been adding on books by authors I've been wanting to read but just haven't taken the time to 

This is from Sarah Bessey today...

But at the same time, I don't know if we are doing folks any favors if we act like when we become Christians or when we follow Jesus, all we do is win.  I think it's okay to say that we mess up, that we let people down, that we overpromise and underdeliver, that we go to therapy, that we take our meds, that we go for walks to remember everything good and true, that we're still in the midst of figuring out where God is in the middle of all this, that we're learning our capacity and God's goodness the real way; by living our lives and experiencing both victories and sorrows in the midst.

and 

...I didn't need a miracle to know that God was real, that God was good, that wholeness is relative, that shalom includes the incarnation and the material, that we are still breathing the air of God's goodness, perhaps most especially in the desert. 

(page 130)

In an earlier chapter, Sarah Bessey talks about a "word of knowledge" - "a supernatural revelation of information pertaining to a person of an event, given for a specific purpose, usually having to do with an immediate need" pg 98

I couldn't help but wonder today if Sarah Bessey has any idea how many times her words have been just that for me over the last few months?

And not just hers...Rachel Held Evans...who died suddenly a year ago...who inspires me with all that she left behind.

Ann Voskamp and the cross on her wrist...teaching me to practice a daily eucharisteo - to look for the God moments and give thanks.

Beth Moore - her Texas drawl through my headphones on Monday nights when I walk.

Jen Hatmaker who makes me snort on a regular basis...and cry...

Jenny Lawson who wakes up every morning and chooses to stay.

and so many other strong women...finding their feet in today's chaos...

they are not perfect.

they are not the same.

their lives are not and have never been perfect...and they don't pretend that it is...they've made mistakes, even big ones, and they are honest about those. They don't pretend they have all the answers.

But they refuse to sit back and be quiet.

I need that.

I need to know that my brokenness is ok.

I'm not perfect.

Far from it, in fact

But my lack of perfection does not make me any less in God's eyes.  

Because He loves me.

 Just.the.way.I.am.

And just maybe I have to be broken to appreciate the whole.

Grateful.