Sunday, June 27, 2010


The Head of My Household and I had a conversation about happiness yesterday.
The Head of My Household is not a Chatty Charles so this was quite an accomplishment. 
What's even more of an accomplishment is that I didn't start this conversation :)

The Head of My Household is my friend. 
I am lucky.
He knows me, understands me (as much as any man can understand a woman), and accepts me.
After this past week's therapy sessions with our daughters, I told him I was going to need therapy to work through my issues with their therapy.
I was really kidding...I think.

For both of us all of the other stressers in our lives pale in comparison to the worries we have with our older daughters.
He will be joining us in therapy next week at the request of their counselor.
One of my daughters has repeatedly brought up the fact that she feels closer to her dad, that she can talk to him, that he listens to her, that he understands her.
What I hear her saying is that she doesn't feel close to me, she can't talk to me, I don't listen to her and I don't understand her.
See what I mean?

What I do understand is that this parenting thing is supposed to be a partnership.
If one kid can talk to one parent more comfortably than another, that shouldn't be that big of a deal, right??
Then why do I feel so guilty about this revelation?

I guess we'll find out more next week.

In the meantime the Head of My Household encouraged me to keep doing the things that make me happy...and to let go of the things that make me unhappy.
I asked him if that meant I could quit work... :)
He said he didn't care what I did as long as I could continue to pay my share of our bills.
So close!!

All of the worry of this week has my own heart beating faster and heavier than normal.
My own anxiety level is up.
In order to keep my anxiety in check while we help our daughters deal with theirs, I'm going to focus more on the things that make me happy:

Books - not just literary stuff, all kinds of books, I like to read about vampires but I also like to read about other people's lives, information books, cookbooks, name it, I like it.

Photography - I don't have any designs on becoming a pictures just make me happy

Cats - especially my own...Beneigt is curled up next to me right now as I type this...ahhhh...just his presence adds a calmness

Coupons - This week I scored 2 - 24 packs of bottled water to put away for hurricane season for right at $1 for each pack thanks to coupons, a well timed sale, and extra bucks earned.  I don't usually like playing games, but I swear I get a rush when I get something for almost nothing.  I can't wait to see the Sunday papers today :)

Water - I love my pool...yesterday I swam laps, I relaxed on my raft and watched the birds and squirrels jump around in the treetops, I swam underwater and just listened to the quiet...

My Garden - the cucumbers are overtaking the squash, and I'm unsure when to pick the peppers, some pesky critter has decided to taste all the green tomatoes in the pots I replanted...but the smell of tomatoes and basil on my hands after I've been outside fiddling makes it all worthwhile.

While there are other things that make me happy, these things are things I do just for me and don't share with anyone else.  I don't think that's selfish...if Moms don't take time for themselves, we can't be all that we have to be for everyone else.

I don't feel guilty about that at all.


  1. That's exactly what I've been trying to do lately with the camera and the garden...remind myself to do things that make me happy. It's a little strange that I have to remind myself, but I get so caught up in work and everything else that I do forget.

    Of course you have to save your own sanity first. It's like putting the oxygen mask on yourself first if the plane starts going down. You can't help anyone if you've collapsed.

  2. I remember leaving more than one counseling session with my daughter with me in tears. She made it very clear that I wasn't her favorite person. I felt like a failure and like she hated me. She outgrew that hateful phase and we're good buddies now. Girls are supposed to be close to their daddies. I'm glad she has a great dad to be the role model she needs :)
    As for you.. good girl on relaxing and doing things that make you happy.
    I miss our pool back in Texas. I too, spent many hours relaxing there. When I was a single mother, I'd go out after dark and just swim all alone and look up at the night sky. It was very therapeutic.

  3. Thanks, Sharon...what a perfect analogy to make me feel even less guilty!! So ridiculous that we feel guilty for taking care of ourselves :/

    Paula, I needed so much to hear that you and your daughter are good buddies now. It seems so far fetched for us right now, but I won't give up.

  4. I love each and every thing you listed! I'm glad I found you through Taylor over at The Lumberjack's Wife. I'm looking forward to reading more!

  5. I saw you commented on Sandy's blog post and I decided to follow the link to your site. I am very glad that I did!

    I have three children: a 24 year old daughter (on Saturday); a 21 year old son; and a 16 year old soon to be senior in high school. My eldest and I have always butted heads and I spent many years fretting over the feelings of guilt and worry. I am happy to say that now that she is in her 20s and living a happily married life on her own, we are getting along splendidly. There is indeed a light at the end of the tunnel.

    I have decided to make this the summer of discovering what truly makes me happy --- and so far I have learned that photography, art, and writing are high on the list. It is a fun journey --- this adventure called "life"