Candlelight Mornings

10:00 

This morning is the first "everybody sleeps in" morning of the holidays.  No exams for my last school-age child and late night re-runs of Friends mean she'll be down till noon or later.  The oldest is in her bed downstairs as well.  We sat with her a while last night as she wrapped gifts and watched That 70s Show.  I do not need to get pulled into another tv show.  That's for sure...but it's good to spend time with my girls doing things they like to do...and it's even better that sometimes they don't mind me doing those things with them.

I'm not a perfect mom.  I hope I'm done trying to be.  All I can do is go from here.

Happiness and resilience may be the best gifts I can give them anyway.

We closed on our house yesterday.

Owning two houses at the same time was not great.  It created a lot of stress and lack of funds. Yeesh.  We are both incredibly glad that our house sold quickly.  We know that's not the case with a lot of people who have to buy before selling their old house.

I struggled with panic as we sat in the lawyer's office yesterday.

I had to walk outside on the porch and let the sun warm my face and a cool wind wash over me before I could get myself back together.  

Once the closing attorney called us in and began passing the multitude of papers across the table for us to sign, my breath once again became shallow.

I started talking at that point.

Chit Chat.

Nothing special...just talk.

A distraction.

It worked for a while and got me out of there in one piece.

My big girl Layla had her regular vet checkup yesterday, and we may be facing a health crisis with her.

She has what may be a tumor on her cornea.

We'll make an appt. today to see a canine opthamologist in Ocean Springs.

Yes, that's really a thing.

Our local vet said that one of his partners "probably could" remove it for pathology but the best guy for the job is in Ocean Springs.

I'ma take a "best guy for the job" over a "probably could" any day.

We're talking about an eyeball here.

Not to mention a member of our family.

We don't do that "it's just a dog" thing here.

I picked up a turkey this morning.

At the local Spay and Neuter Clinic.

True Story.

P.S. the turkey was frozen.

10:12

I also got to talk to an old teacher friend of mine at the Spay Neuter Clinic.

I haven't seen her in a while and couldn't get over how fabulous she looks. 

Weight Watchers.

All these people keeping looking fabulous with Weight Watchers.

And when I say fabulous, I don't mean skinny as a rail with their skin hanging off.  

When I say fabulous, I mean "glowing" and healthy...with smiles on their faces...and smaller pants.

I can't do gimmicks.

I've seen the sassy commercials that talk about WW as an old way to lose weight.  

WW has been around a long time.

It's stood the test of time a lot longer than some of the new ways to lose weight and I think more importantly, to maintain it...learn how to eat...call a spade a spade when it comes to emotional eating...encourage people to take part in realistic exercise that be sustained for a lifetime.

Sustainability.

I like that.

10:17

I spent entirely too much time last night on Amazon reading reviews and sales pitches about Essential Oils and diffusers. 

Who knew there were so many options?! 

I finally chose one and ordered it.

We shall see.

I'm ready for a nap this morning.

And may very well take one before the lunchtime meeting today. 

The room was so hot yesterday that I had to eat two snack bags of Skittles in order to stay awake.

Re-read the paragraph on Weight Watchers now.

10:20

I'm way behind on book reviews, so to clear my brain, I'm probably going to do a couple of shorter snippet posts with several reviews in one.  

My brain will like that I think.

Clear those shelves and move on.

My brain is having a hard time with ebooks right now.  

Does anybody else forget they have books if they only have them on ebooks?

I may have to let those go for a while.  

The main benefits I've found with ebooks is that they are much more convenient when traveling and if you're buying books, ebooks tend to be cheaper.

That's pretty much it.

I give up on audio books.  I'm too visual...I'm too tactile.  I need to hold and touch the pages.  I need to underline things.  

Audio books make me kindof nuts.  

I end up having to re-read a book I liked anyway so I'm not sure what the point is.

I'd much rather listen to a podcast.  

10:25

The key to my serenity I think is to keep all this stuff balanced somehow.  

Not overwhelm myself.

Let things go.

More discipline.

Write things down.

Check off the list.

Copy over things that don't get done.

Take naps.

Spend time with my dog.

Light a candle first thing in the morning.

Say my first prayer of the day by candlelight.

Keep it simple.

Apply grace to myself and others.

Speak kindness.

Say Merry Christmas as many times as possible.

Be nice.

Stay out of traffic.

Love.

Did I mention take naps?

10:30

The Dogma of Cats for Kids by Deb Snyder, PhD - Net Galley Review

The youngest and I have a couple (ahem) of Net Galley's to catch up on this week, so we figured we'd better get a move on!! 

Today's book, The Dogma of Cats for Kids, is by Deb Snyder, PhD

CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (April 15, 2013)

32 pgs. 

DogmaofCats.com

Amazon

According to Net Galley,  

"Deb Snyder, PhD is an inspirational speaker, spiritual teacher and the award-winning author of Intuitive Parenting: Listening to the Wisdom of Your Heart. She holds both Doctoral and Master’s degrees in Metaphysical Philosophy from the American Institute of Holistic Theology and a Bachelor’s degree in Communications from the University of Southern Maine. She teaches heart-centered living workshops worldwide. Her work inspires others to be authentic, live fully and shine bright!

Dr. Snyder is also the founder and executive director of the HeartGlow Center, a nonprofit charitable organization dedicated to honoring the sacred devotion of family caregivers. She lives in Maine with her husband, daughter, and their four cats."

WHY?  We are cat lovers...particularly black cat lovers and are always on the lookout for more ways to encourage positive thinking and peaceful living.

Cover? Love it! :)

Title? If the word "cats" didn't real me in, the inclusion of the word "dogma" would have.

NetGalley Description - "Join an adorable collection of cuddly cats for their warm wisdom on how we  can live a happy, heart-centered life. With colorful illustrations,  mindful lessons and sweet, rhyming text, award winning author Deb Snyder  delivers a book that will have cat lovers of all ages purring for  more!" 

What I Liked - the premise of the book...the idea of pairing animal behavior with living a happy life...animals don't worry...why should we?

What the youngest liked - "learning about cats, and it rhymes"

What I didn't like -  the illustrations - I disliked them so much that they distracted me from the whole idea behind the book...as a matter of fact, after I finished reading, I wasn't sure that the book actually accomplished what it set out to do...show how cats live their lives to the fullest in a way that speaks to us about how to live our lives.  After a quick discussion with the youngest, and finding her favorite/least favorite illustrations, I realized that the book, or the words at least, do indeed make that connection.  I just missed it.

For example:
This particular illustration matches the cover illustration perfectly...

but it's followed by this illustration:

Which is cartoonish and looks like clip art...

This illustration: 

is followed by this one:

While this inconsistency may not bother some, it bothered me a lot...it just affected my entire mood.

What the youngest didn't like

Even though the author told us ahead of time that her cat Cagney would be on every page, the youngest thought that was overkill.  She didn't use that word, of course, but she said it was too much.

Overall Recommendation

The youngest didn't have the problem with the illustrations that I did, and she said if we were in a bookstore, she would want to buy this book.  I, however, would not.  With children's books, I think the illustrations are incredibly important, and this one just doesn't do it for  me.  Of course, it's not written for adults, so I'm not sure how my opinion weighs into that conversation.  The youngest did not, however, see the connection between the cats' behavior and how people can look at those behaviors in their own lives.
I think this is a great idea, just with more consistency in the illustrations.  

Nutter Butter

Returning from our morning walk, Layla and I spotted the cats circling something.

Layla took off to see what the excitement was all about and just how involved she might become in the fray.

As I called her name, she was overcome by the excitement and bounded over to the cats without paying me any attention whatsoever (Yes, we have just completed 12 weeks of puppy training; why do you ask?)

Layla approached the cats and used her paw to nudge the victim.  

The victim immediately began making these squeaky noises, which I knew immediately didn't belong to a bird.

We've been down the squirrel rescue route before, so I was in familiar territory at this point and immediately began clearing away all the animals so I could assess the little fella's injuries...

As I moved the cats and Layla inside, my youngest heard all the commotion and came to see how she could help.

We learned during our foster experience with Squeakers that many times the "injured" party is actually better off left to its own devices...and that many times well-meaning humans step in where they shouldn't and mess everything up, so at first we observed the little dude without touching him.  

He was moving, and scooched himself under a pile of pine straw with only his tail sticking out :)

He was making an awful lot of noise...a lot more than Squeakers ever made..not "I'm hurt" noises, mind you, but "I'll be *&^&*&&&*##"  "Those **&*&%^ cats"! kinds of noises :)

Little buddy was mad!

I could also tell from his tail that he was much older than Squeakers and Whiskers had been when we found them.  To me, the already furry tail was another reason to leave him be.

I convinced (or so I thought) my youngest that we would leave the cats inside for the day and that Squirrel with an attitude would regroup and return to his nest or wherever he needed to go, so we went back inside to finish getting ready for work and school.  

When I stepped out of the shower, I knew immediately that it was too quiet.  

Our house in the mornings is just like those movie scenes where everybody's moving in different directions in fast forward.  

Then I heard my youngest calling my name.

"Mommy!"

When I walked through the kitchen, this is what I saw:

Ahem.

So much for leaving nature alone.

My youngest explained that she simply could not just leave the little guy out there all by himself and then rattled off a long list of things that might happen to him if we did.

No idea where she gets this kind of behavior from.

This was not exactly how I'd hope this day would play out, but I knew once we touched him, we would have to help him.

So, we did.

Little dude with a 'tude got his name changed to Nut Head and then changed again to Nutter Butter.

We purchased a dog crate, another heating pad, snuggled him down with blankets to burrow in and waited the appropriate amount of time before feeding him.  The youngest was beside herself, but I kept reminding her that we didn't know how injured he might be on the inside and to not get her hopes up.

You know where this story is going, right?

I knew when we got Nutter Butter out of the box to feed him that this wasn't going to be like last time.  I could tell that he was already less active, sleepy eyes, less mumbling and grumbling than before, and he bit my youngest just for the heck of it.  The bite itself didn't hurt, but it should have.

I began preparing her for what I knew was happening.

My youngest held out hope that the formula would be the magic potion that would cure all Nutter Butter's ills.  

We put him back in his box, and I told her that we would check on him every hour after that, but we needed to let him rest in the warm covers of his box.  

Each hour Nutter Butter moved slower and slower...his breathing became heavier, and finally he just laid there.  Each hour I reported the same sad news to the hopeful eyes of my youngest and finally had to tell her that he was gone.

My youngest became hysterical and cried for her Nutter Butter, who she'd known less than 48 hours, but to her it was a lifetime.

All I could do was sit and hold her...and let her cry.

I reminded her that Nutter Butter was in God's trees now, and that there are plenty of acorns in Heaven.

I told her she rescued him and allowed him to die in peace in a warm bed with a full tummy of delicious milk...and that that was a good thing.

The Head of My Household dug Nutter Butter's little grave the next morning, and we all said good-bye.

One of the hardest things to realize when you're a parent is that you can't fix everything. 

While I wish I could spare them hurt of all kinds, I'm proud that each of them has a respect for the creatures of the Earth and wants to help whenever they can and sometimes that includes pain.  I guess a part of parenting is to help them learn to deal with the pain of loss...and to love others without fear of that pain.

And, that sometimes loving something means you have to let it go...as it was with our Squeakers.

I thank God everyday for my children, their pure hearts and the love they give freely...and I also thank God for the animals He's brought into our lives and the intelligence He gives us to learn how to take care of ourselves and the animals of His world...and when to leave things be.

I am blessed.

Children's Sunday was this past Sunday and one of our soloist sang this song...it's one of my favorites by the Carpenters and so very appropriate for little Nutter Butter.

Football Season - Warning, Snarky Post ahead.

Today's pic is of my middle child.  Football is king in the South, the home of the every powerful Southeastern Conference :p Whatever, right?

I was a football wife for 15 years; the night my husband walked off that field for the last time was such a relief to me.  You see, I'm one of those people who HATES politics and grown people who act like spoiled brat children. There's a lot of politics in everything, yes, I know that too...but there's a buttload of it in football.

I still attend our high school football games but I very seldom watch the games...I'm too busy watching my babies...whether it's band, dance team, or cheerleading, my girls have done everything but kick a field goal...hey, wait, that's not a bad idea ;)

Not really.

This is the middle child's senior year and she is participating on the brand new dance team for her high school.  And guess what, politics has already reared its ugly head and soured the experience for the team. 

Can I ask you a question?

Why do parents have to act like children?

Why do some children act better than their parents?

Anybody else think kids would have better experiences if parents stayed the you know what out of things??

Whoops...that was 3 questions.

We could fight back.

We could raise a stink.

We could have words with the ugly people.

But, we are not.

You know why?

Because even though this post is snarky, I don't live my life that way.

I'm teaching my daughters that women especially would be so much better off if we would all work together instead of trying to tear each other down.  Where does that get us??  Women are so busy trying to keep the other woman down that the men slip right on by somehow and keep progressing in the spaces where a woman might have actually done a better job.

I'm not against men...don't get me wrong.  I happen to be deeply in love with the one I have at my house...

But, geez, ladies, step up and grow up, roll with the punches...or get the hell out of the rest of our way.

Thank you kindly.

:)

A New Day

Our college's schedule is usually right on track with our daughters' school schedule, except for a week at the beginning of the year and almost 2 weeks at the end of the year.  I love just being a mom those few weeks.  I get to be responsible for my girls, filling out paperwork, buying school supplies, new school clothes, changing schedules if necessary, getting in the pick up line with all the other moms, etc. 

Yesterday was a different 1st day of school than any other we've had in 18 years. Here's why:

In case you didn't notice, that's not my firstborn with the pointy ears in the middle.

That's not my firstborn with the stripes, trying desperately to get away...

These two took the day in stride...the senior and the 2nd grader.

The previous day we checked our firstborn in the dorm.  I managed to hold it together emotionally until I returned home.  As we were unloading her things from the car, bags and such used to move her things, I got a whiff of her perfume.  That was it.

Such a "Daddy's girl" :)

I'm blessed to no end.

I'm happy that my children are well adjusted (most of the time) high achievers and expect great things from their futures. 

I'm actually happy to be moving on.

But, they're my babies.

So, I think I'd be weird if I didn't feel a little nostalgic every now and then.

That's what mommies do, right?

:)

Senior Prom...sniff, sniff...

This past Saturday night was my firstborn's senior prom.

To be honest, by Saturday I was just about exhausted with the entire production...she's been planning since January!

But, then she came out of her room...

And, then we took the entire group of kids to a lovely home for photos...

I decided all that hoopla was well worth it :)

All in all it was a wonderful night...I suffered from the normal parental anxieties surrounding prom and waited up for them until their safe arrival home at 2 a.m.

The chaos was even more well worth it when my firstborn climbed up into my bed the next morning to tell the Head of My Household and me all of the details.

By Sunday it hit me like a load of bricks:

My baby is not a baby anymore.

I'm both immensely proud of her and incredibly sad at the same time.

:(

Mother's Day 2011

My mom was 18 years old when she gave birth to me.
Since the photo above was her Senior portrait, I would be born the following fall.

A life I cannot even begin to imagine.

Needless to say, things weren't and aren't always smooth for her.

She never really was able to have a life of her own; she went from being a daughter and a sister to a wife and a mother.

And, she wasn't always thanked for it.

After my parents' divorce she raised my brother and I in a 2 bedroom apartment on a college secretary's paycheck.
There were times when I know the only way she made it through each day was one minute at a time...an independent know-it-all teenager (me) and an active little five year old boy nipping at her heels constantly.

Nevertheless, my brother and I both graduated high school and college, have good jobs and happy lives and neither of us has ever questioned whether or not she loves us.  We just know.
I think life with a silver spoon in your mouth is highly overrated.

As my brother and I have progressed through the stages in our lives, she has also progressed through stages in hers.  Using gumption, strength, and perseverence she has become a successful businesswoman and is beginning to enjoy some freedom in her life that she has never had before.

Kudos to my mom; nobody deserves it more than she does.

As my own first little bird prepares to fly from the nest with the 2nd little bird close behind, I've been taking a long look at who I am and what kind of mother I've been to my girls.  I know that I've not always done things "right," but there are some very important things that I've learned from my mom that I try to instill in my daughters.

On Mother's Day I thought it appropriate to list a few of those things my mom has taught me:  

Life is not a bed of roses...so don't expect it to be.

Stand on your own two feet.

Never, ever give up.

Hold onto your faith.  Believe.

Honor extended family...they are a part of who you are.

When you are down on the floor, pick yourself up by your bootstraps and stand back up again.

Work your arse off.

Job descriptions include whatever it takes to get the job done.

Survive.

Be responsible. And, if you're not, own up to it.

Don't whine.  Do something about it.

A mother's love never ends. Period.

Mom's can get angry, disappointed, frustrated and even exasperated...but they're still always there for you.

My mother doesn't teach these things through words so much...

She teaches them through her actions...day by day...year by year.
I only hope I am half the mother she is.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!
From, your little girl.

Keeping Calm and Carrying On

I'm hanging in there with this whole Senior thing.

Tonight is Senior Prom; the school and community have gone to great lengths to warn all of the seniors in our area to make the right decisions tonight...even to the point of parking a horribly disfigured car on the lawn of the high school.

Oy.

While I certainly appreciate the community/school taking great pains to warn our children of the dangers of drinking and driving, it has not helped my stress/anxiety level.

Honestly, the Head of My Household and I have never had to worry about that kind of stuff...and I get on my knees every single night and thank God that we've been so blessed...and then I pray again that we will continue to be so fortunate.

I have a multitude of blog posts in my head screaming to get out...the suicide of my friend's husband and how that has affected my middle child, questions of faith and forgiveness, Royal Wedding memories, the death of Osama Bin Laden, bullying on Facebook, teacher questions, letting go, planting our garden, and even a few book review posts.

And, I'll get to them all in due time.

Prom pictures tomorrow!

Wordless (yeah, right) Wednesday - My Babies!

The firstborn's graduation announcements arrived yesterday.

And, yes, I'm feeling quite emotional.

I asked her yesterday how in the world I'm supposed to let her go.

She said, "Geez, Mama...I'm gonna live 5 feet from your office!"

Ok, ok...I'm trying to be rational; I really am.

I love my babies.

Period.

:p

On to the National Championships!

 No, I didn't drop off the face of the earth.

Yes, among all the gazillions of other things I do in life, I am also a Show Choir mom, and we are in the right smack in the middle of competition season. 

For the first time ever, my daughter's high school show choir was chosen as one of the 15 choirs chosen nationwide to compete in the FAME national championship competition at the end of this month. 

All of us, family, community, school, administrators etc. couldn't be prouder :):)

Our kids have worked their hineys off...and I'm not exaggerating.

When I watch their high energy competition show, I am breathless by the end.

My middle daughter is too...

Literally.

She was diagnosed with asthma at 18 months and has learned to live with it over the last 16 years.  From time to time we have to modify her medication and spring is the worst time of the year.

You'd never tell it though from watching her perform.

You would only know if you were one of the poor backstage moms who witnessed her pass out twice this year when the show was over :/

That was our cue that the meds needed modifying again.

Pretty attention getting cue, wouldn't you say?

This past weekend was our first weekend on the new meds and they worked BEAUTIFULLY.  I take pictures for the group so I can see my baby through my lens.  I can usually tell by her face whether or not she's having trouble moving air...even though no one else can pick up the signs....that comes from sleeping on the floor beside her bed when she was little.

It was so nice to see such a relaxed and beautiful face this weekend.

She's the third one from the left in the following pictures, completely in tune with the music and thoroughly enjoying the experience:

And, yes, she is the "sass-master" ;)

No idea where she gets that :)

TGIF!! Whew!!

There are some weeks like this one when I think I'm not going to make it.

Driving down the highway to the grocery store this afternoon I could barely keep my eyes open.

It's been a whirlwind of a week...and I don't look for things to get any smoother between here and graduation.

We left work yesterday though and drove to our state capitol. I love to look around in the historical building and just imagine what goes one in there on a day to day basis.

My youngest put it all in perspective when she commented, "Wow, Mommy, they must have built this castle a long time ago!!"

We were there because our middle daughter had the incredible opportunity to dance on the front lawn of the capitol with other groups of high school show choirs from within our state.  She was also chosen to be one of the 10 representatives from her high school to stay for the entire weekend and experience state show choir competition, choreography lessons, etc.

As we watched them dance in front of cheering crowds and as I watched my 7 year old wrap her arms around her middle sister when the performance was over, I was reminded of something very important...

All the chaos in the world is worth seeing these dimples :)

Mama's Middle Child

Show Choir competition consumed our entire weekend this past weekend.

While it is certainly not my first priority, and I am so NOT a stage mom...

it almost brings tears to my eyes to see my middle child own the stage.

She becomes a whole other person up there :)

The stage is a place where she shines and dazzles.

She is intense and wholly absorbed in the routines and performance.

She gives it her all and enjoys every second of it.

She is so sassy, isn't she??

Don't know where she gets that from.

;)

My Girls

My firstborn signed her college soccer scholarship this morning.

While I am immensely proud, I am also an emotional wreck. 

I really have to face it now.

They really are going to pack up their stuff and leave my house.

Wait, can I please push the rewind button??

I really don't want to rewind anything...I'm proud of my girls and the young women they are becoming.  They are headed out into the world little by little...figuring things out as they go. 

and maybe even beginning to realize that they may actually like each other...

Just a little.

;)

Congratulations, Kendal!!

Impressive!

My middle child told me a story yesterday that left me speechless.

She was sitting in Advanced Algebra working on homework...the next day's homework.

The teacher, seeing that she was writing something while he was going over problems on the board, stopped and asked her what she was doing.

"Homework," my middle child replied.

"You were supposed to already have that done," replied said teacher.

"I do," she rebutted..."I'm working on tomorrow's homework."

Thinking that she was just your average student who was trying to get out of getting caught doodling in class, the teacher walked over to my middle child's desk to look at what she was writing.

He examined her homework that he was going over on the board...and the next day's homework which she was actually almost finished with.

He looked at her and said, "You realize this is not due till tomorrow?"

My middle child said, "Yes, but I have all of today's assignment complete and I didn't want to have so much to do at home."

After closely examining her papers the teacher saw that not only did my middle child have the answers correct for the current assignment, but she also had the correct answers for the next day's assignment for which the teacher had not even yet taught the skills.

He asked her if she could take a test right then about the current assignment and pass it.

She assured him she could.

He then proceeded to write a problem on her paper and asked her to work it right then and there.

She did.

She worked it correctly.

"Carry on," the teacher said and returned to the board to continue going over the current assignment.

:)

The story impresses me because I'm a Liberal Arts/English person.

I made a D in College Algebra.

It was the happiest day of my life.

Carry on, Whit...Carry on :)

Happy Birthday, Whitney

16 years ago today my middle child was born. 

I had gone into early labor several times and had been put on medication and bedrest to give her more time.

By August 19 though I wasn't doing well from the stress and neither was she.

It was time for her to be born.

I will never forget the look on my husband's face when he walked in the door of the recovery room.

He did not have the baby with him.

His face was distraught...as emotional as I'd ever seen him (and his is so not an emotional kind of guy).

I wanted to know where my baby was.

Our baby was having trouble breathing on her own and needed machines and tubes to help her survive.

I wanted up and I wanted out of that bed.  My baby needed me.  Period.

I'd had a C-section, so no matter how much I wanted up, I wasn't going anywhere for a while.

I couldn't feel the bottom half of my body...much less get up and walk down the hall.

Once I got back to my room, my doctor finally came and said he'd heard about all the ruckus I'd been causing trying to get up.

He finally agreed to let me go the NICU so I could see my baby.

As scary as the tubes and machines were, I was not scared.

I was here, now.

I would make my baby well.

All she needed was her Mommy.

The nurses let me hold her.

They stood by and blew oxygen by her face so I could wrap her in the love that only a mother can give.

I could only hold her for short amounts of time at first.

But each time they let me try, she would make it a little bit longer out of the oxygen tent.

Once they let me feed her, there was no stopping her or me.

She was a scrapper; we knew that from Day 1.

She and me.

It was as if we knew each other already...

After a miraculous recovery, leaps and bounds quicker than she was expected to respond, we took our baby home. 

She grew into quite a character, a Mama's baby, making funny noises, and loving to be held and cuddled. 

She warily kept her eyes on her crazy big sister and would run to me whenever she felt threatened (which was often ;)

Her dimples delight even adults who see her now. 

We can't explain where they came from.

We just know they are one more characteristic that makes her special.

My favorite pictures of her are when she has a giant genuine smile on her face.

She is finding her way in the world.

And learning to be comfortable in her own skin.

Happy 16th Birthday, Whitney the Pooh.

Mommy loves you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yem16bCpRDA

(video by her proud dad)

:)

The Last First Day of School

My firstborn asked me last night, "Are you gonna cry tomorrow, Mama?"

"What??" I said, "Why in the world would I cry tomorrow?"

"Because it's my last first day of school."

GULP!

I'm gonna be just fine if she'll quit calling my attention to all the "lasts."

I do not intend to go through this entire year blubbering.

I blubbered Friday though...because my firstborn is so excited about her upcoming independence that I find myself at times taking it personally.

What's so bad about home anyway?

Haven't we given her a roof over her head...

Clothes on her back...

A room of her own...literally as well as symbolically...

Gas in her car...

And most importantly...unconditional love?

Yes, we have.

I know that it's not personal.

I really do.

I want her to go...to spread her wings and fly...

I want her to experience the world...and see all that it has to offer...

She has so many options ahead of her and this is what we've prepared her for since the day she was born...leaving the nest...

Now, I'm blubbering again...my heart is racing...where did my baby go?

Is it wrong for me to want to hold her in my arms again and rock her?

Is it wrong for me to be able to fix everything that ails her with a Scooby-Doo band-aid?

Nah...it's not wrong.

I'm her mom...and I always will be.

My firstborn a.k.a. "The Senior"

My middle child - "The Junior" (yes, I will have to do this senior year thing two years in row)

My youngest - "The First Grader" :)

At least I have this one to comfort me when the other two leave me...

For a while anyway...but I'll think about that tomorrow...

My babies...First Day of School, August 9, 2010

Professional Ph.D. or Panicky Mom?

As much as I enjoy the teaching part of my job, I also enjoy the times that I get to be just Mom...or Mommy...depending on the circumstances.

This past week has been quite an overwhelming week of Momminess.

My firstborn set up a marathon 12 days of soccer camps...crossing several states in the process.  On top of the normal worries of sending your child off to camp, the heat index in the South this summer has been off the charts.  My firstborn decided to overheat on the first day of practice...8 hours away from me.  The Head of My Household thankfully had not left the state yet when he called to let me know.  After a medical check and taking it easy during the first night's practice, my firstborn was on the mend.  The Head of My Household stayed 2 nights just to make sure she (and me) were ok. 

While my firstborn was away, my middle child and I had a incredible weekend together...the youngest was at her Granny's, which gave my middle child and I much needed time...just the two of us.  We saw the newest Twilight movie and went couponing together as well as several meals out where we just sat and talked like old buddies.  I began to see a light at the end of the tunnel for my middle child and me.

In the midst of my middle child and I having a great weekend, my youngest decided that she wanted to come home from Granny's.  This was not normal behavior for her, but I just chalked it up as a normal part of childhood.  After reassurances from my mother-in-law the next day, I let my youngest stay an extra night.  I thought the Head of My Household would be joining her that night, but he unexpectedly had to stay the extra night with our firstborn.  It wasn't until late Sunday afternoon that my sister-in-law called to say that there had been a problem between her daughter and mine.  Of course, my daughter, the youngest of the two, was at fault and her child blameless and traumatized.  Aren't families fun??  They must be...or why would we keep them around? 

I then drove a bazillion miles again back across several states to pick up my firstborn.  I had a couple of nights of my chickens all back in the nest until we had to take our youngest for oral surgery this past Friday.  My youngest is 6...this was the first time I experienced her being wheeled away from me to go into surgery...the first of very few times I hope.  For an hour and a half, the pediatric dentist worked on my baby's teeth...I felt as if I had no sense left in my brain at all. 

The dentist called after an hour to let us know that he was not going to be able to save one particular tooth...

*******WARNING******** Graphic image ahead!

The little tooth in the upper left corner is a baby tooth that was already loose and fell out as the dentist/oral surgeon was working on my youngest's other teeth. 

The big hunk of bone next to it is the tooth that has been causing my baby such trouble for several months.  We visited 3 dentists for opinions on how to handle such dental issues with a 6 year old.  One of those dentists tried to fill my baby's tooth WITHOUT ANESTHESIA!!!!!!! 

Hence, her need to be put completely under before she would ever open her mouth again. 

I feel like sending that blankety blank dentist our hospital bill.

This tooth had so much decay that it was only anchored by 2 roots...the other 2 had disintegrated.

Please keep in mind that this horrible looking piece of bone and cartilage came from a 6 year old's mouth.

Please now also imagine the amount of discomfort my youngest has been dealing with while at the same time refusing to let anyone look in her mouth thanks to the scheister dentist who thought he'd cut a few corners. 

The tooth fairy left my baby a few extra prizes for this dude.

My youngest still hasn't been able to eat solid food...we tried spaghetti (her favorite) tonight, but her teeth are still too sore...so she's eating as much yogurt, pudding, mashed potatoes, etc. as her little tummy can hold.

Have I mentioned how much I dislike that dentist?

Being a mommy is the hardest job I've ever had.